


Little Beast

by retoxification



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Epilepsy, First Time, Fluff, Getting Together, Guilt, Happy Ending, M/M, So much guilt, The Upside Down
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-15
Updated: 2018-07-09
Packaged: 2019-03-05 01:25:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 18
Words: 36,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13377177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/retoxification/pseuds/retoxification
Summary: He’s, unfortunately, had the hots for Harrington since he first saw him- like the kind of hots where you’re a little in love too. Billy knows its fucked up and wrong, Harrington had a girl and, as far as he knew, the guy was straight (or at least that’s what he gathered from all the stories he’s heard). It feels even more fucked up now. Declarations of lust aren’t usually well received after a getting a plate broken over your head and your face beaten in.or The one where Billy tries to be a better person and someone deserving of Steve.





	1. Sorry About the Blood In Your Mouth

**Author's Note:**

> I really appreciate all kinds of feedback, thank you for reading!

Billy’s sitting in his senior Economics class writing notes as he half-listens to the teacher drone on about the recovery of the American Economy after the early 80’s recession _ugh_ . It’s the first day back after winter break and it feels like all the seniors seem to be inflicted with the same kind of jitteriness- they’re so close to graduating but not quite there yet. 

The lecture is boring, and he wants to ditch, but he knows he needs to pass this class with at least a B to keep his dad off his back. So he does his best to write down what he thinks is important, and lets his mind wander during the extra boring parts. 

He glances up when the door to the room opens and Harrington walks in, abruptly halting the class. 

“Sorry, just got back from a doctor’s appointment,” he hands what looks like a doctor’s note to the teacher and looks a bit embarrassed from all the eyes on him.

“That’s fine, Mr. Harrington. Please, take a seat next to Mr. Hargrove.”

Mr. Miller is a no-nonsense, no sense of humour kind of guy. One who delights in creating seating plans for senior students and forcing them to listen to boring lectures. Asshole probably like doling out group work too.

Harrington looks a bit cautious as he walks over to his seat next to Billy, like he’s afraid the other boy is going to attempt to have another go at him in the middle of class. Billy rolls his eyes heavenward and thinks its time he tries to extend the proverbial olive branch and smooth things over. 

He never meant for things to go so far that -capital N- Night, but it did. An explosive combination of fear, humiliation, confusion, and anger caused him to go completely off the rails. Which is completely fucking shit because not only did he get drugged and nearly castrated by a 13-year-old, but he’s probably, more like definitely, ruined any chances of getting close to Harrington. 

He’s, unfortunately, had the hots for Harrington since he first saw him- like the kind of hots where you’re a little in love too. Billy knows its fucked up and wrong, Harrington had a girl and, as far as he knew, the guy was straight (or at least that’s what he gathered from all the stories he’s heard). It feels even more fucked up now. Declarations of lust aren’t usually well received after a getting a plate broken over your head and your face beaten in.

Still, though, he’s going to make an attempt at smoothing things over between them. He knows what he did was shitty, like really shitty, but he figures if he’s genuinely remorseful enough, Harrington will stop looking at him with such hunted eyes. He knows they were barely acquaintances before, but now, Harrington won’t even look him in the face. Not that he blames him really.

It hits him then that this is the first time he’s seen Harrington in nearly a month. The boy had missed two weeks of school after that Night and then the winter holidays came around. Billy didn’t think he did that much damage, but then again, he wasn’t really pulling his punches. 

Billy licks his lips, thinks about it for a second, and then tears out the notes he’s taken so far for the class and hands them to Harrington. 

Harrington does his best to convey _what the fuck_ and _why are you doing this_ through facial expressions alone.

Billy just rolls his eyes again and goes back to half-listening and taking notes on the worlds most boring lecture™.

After an eternity (thirty minutes) the bell rings, and Billy thinks he’s going to shed a tear of relief because _holy shit, fuck economics_ , but he contains himself and settles for packing his shit up as quickly as possible. 

“Thanks for the notes?” He hears Steve next to him sounding, and looking, bemused as hell.

Billy’s got half a mind to say something snarky and rude, which is instinct, but he remembers he’s trying to be a better person now. He really doesn’t want to turn out like a piece of shit like his old man. He was definitely barrelling down that road at full speed not too long ago, but a bat full of nails coming for your balls kind of motivates one to turn their life around. 

“No worries, pretty boy.” Well, that’s a good start.

Harrington just cuts him a suspicious look and leaves the room a lot more quickly than what Billy thinks is necessary.

\-------

It takes several weeks of quasi-friendly gestures, not being an asshole on the court, and generally treating Steve like a spooked deer that he finally gets somewhere.

Maybe not to exactly where he wants to be, but at least Harrington has stopped acting like Billy is out to get him. 

“I’m still not sure what you’re doing Hargrove,” Harrington looks confused and tired as hell. “Are you like…trying to be my friend or something?”

Earlier that day Billy offered to help Steve with an essay for English after he heard him bitching about it. Steve gave him a look that was a cross between _the fuck ?_ and extreme suspicion. To which Billy just nodded at him, like an idiot, and walked away as quickly as possible. 

It’s now the end of the day and Billy is so ready to go home. He’s exhausted but he’s not going to complain about Steve showing up at his locker to chat.

“Or something.” What the fuck does that even mean? See, too tired to function.

“Uh, what the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Harrington is starting to look a little annoyed along with confused and tired. Like he probably needs a nap or something.

His question is legitimate though, and Billy spoke without thinking, so he’s left floundering for an answer that isn’t biting but also doesn’t express his desire to bone Steve, which is what he was thinking when he let _or something_ slip, like the idiot he is.

“I just, uh…” extremely smooth and riveting. There’s no way he’s really going to be able to recover from this. “Yeah, I have no idea what that was supposed to mean.”

Which apparently wasn’t the wrong thing to say, since Steve starts to laugh.

“So fucking lame, Hargrove. Listen, I’ll consider the ‘or something’ if you apologize to Lucas for being a racist douche-bag towards him” 

And what the hell is that supposed to mean. If Steve’s ‘or something’ is the same as Billy’s version, he may just start going to church and thanking God for listening to his prayers.

Steve's looking at him expectantly, probably waiting for Billy to agree to his Terms and Conditions. 

“I did, actually.” Billy is very grateful that he decided to do something good without being prompted. Very grateful. 

Steve now has the most confused look on his face. Billy could kiss it.

“The fuck you did,” Steve’s starting to look annoyed again. Like Billy is the big liar between the two of them.

“Hand on heart, I swear I did. You can even ask little Miss Maxine about it.” 

He had been dropping Max off at the arcade and saw the other boy standing by the entrance. Figuring it was a step on his road to redemption, he got out of the car and said he was sorry for that fucked up shit he pulled and that he didn’t have an issue with him and Max hanging out. Lucas had given him a pretty impressive withering look and told him he’s still a huge jerk, and Billy accepted the insult, not like it’s a lie or anything. At least Max was less hostile around him now. 

Harrington looks a bit suspicious and sighs, Billy guesses it’s deserved.

“ ‘kay well, I’m probably not going to go chasing after your sister for answers, so I’ll take your word for it.” 

Billy feels a short-lived victory because the next second he hears a high-pitched voice calling Steve’s name. Of course, Wheeler would be the one to break up his big bonding moment with Harrington.

As she walks over she’s giving Billy some pretty severe cut-eye.

“Ready to go? Jon needs to go to work soon so we gotta go if he’s going to make it on time.” Wheeler is looking at Harrington expectantly, most likely trying to figure out why the hell he’s talking to Billy. 

And Billy’s trying to figure out why the hell Steve is getting a ride from his ex-girlfriend’s current boyfriend. Weird.

“Yeah,” Harrington nods at her before glancing at Billy. “I’ll see you around Hargrove.”

Billy shoots him a smirk.

“Later, Harrington.”

As the pair are walking away he hears Wheeler grilling Harrington about _why are you hanging around him Steve, especially after everything that he’s put you through? Everything you’re still going through?_

Billy snorts to himself, and thinks that yeah, the beatdown he gave Harrington wasn’t exactly warranted or deserved, but that chick is making it sound helluva lot more dramatic than it really is. Billy gets smacked and kicked around all the time, but he always bounces back. Harrington’s face is back to looking like it’s normal, pretty self and he’s on speaking terms with Billy, so obviously he’s bounced back as well. Leave it to Wheeler to overreact to something that’s long over.


	2. In These Dreams it's Always You

Harrington’s invited Billy over to his place to work on some Econ homework and he’s a little too excited to see the place the other boy grew up in. He’s mostly looking forward to, what he’s sure is, an abundance of baby photos. 

He’s sitting in the Camaro lighting up a smoke when Steve climbs in the passenger side. Startled, he shoots the boy a look which he thought said _what are you doing in here?_ but Steve clearly misreads him.

“I thought you were coming over?” Steve looks as confused as Billy feels. Because Billy meant, _why are you in my car and not yours_.

“Yeah, yeah. Now, buckle up and don’t touch my stereo.” Billy replies, figuring he’ll ask Steve about the car thing later.

The answer to his question, turns out, is not one he was expecting.

They’re finished their homework and Billy is splitting his time between making eyes at Steve, which he suspects Steve may be returning, and eyeing the pool in Harrington’s backyard. It’s heated, and he definitely wants to have a go swimming in it, preferably with Harrington.

A warm, wet Steve Harrington. _Nice_.

“Wanna go for a swim?” Steve’s looks a bit amused, and yeah, Billy realizes he wasn’t exactly hiding the lustful looks he’s been shooting outside. “You can borrow a pair of my trunks.”

“Yeah, that’d be cool,” Billy is aiming for nonchalant, not wanting Steve to know how excited he is. He thinks he manages it.

Steve nods and gestures for Billy to follow him upstairs. When they reach Steve's room Billy nearly has heart failure when the other boy throws a pair of swim shorts at him and promptly starts stripping.

Seeing the look on Billy’s face, Steve starts laughing.

“Dude, you how many times we’ve showered in the same room?” Steve looks too amused for Billy’s liking. “Don’t want to alarm you or anything, but, I’ve seen you naked.”

Billy rolls his eyes and tries to play it off, and probably fails at it going by the grin on Steve's face.

He quickly changes and tries to not check whether Steve is watching or not.

He hopes he is.

The walk from the back-patio door to the pool is probably the coldest moments of his life. Billy thinks his balls have permanently retreated into his body and if he tries to talk he’s going to sound like a six-year-old girl.

Luckily, he warms up quick once he’s in the water. He spends a few moments floating on his back, trying to enjoy the peace and quiet which he so rarely gets, letting the water flow between his spread out fingers. 

It’s short lived. 

One second he’s in his own world and next he opens his eyes and Steve’s a _little_ too close and looking right at him.

Steve looks a little squirrely, and while Billy would normally laugh at that he knows now isn’t the time. 

“Hi?” Smooth, Hargrove. 

Steve cracks a smile.

“Hi.” He looks a little more nervous than before. “Please don’t try and drown me if I’ve been reading this wrong.”

and Billy is confused as all get-out until Steve leans in and kisses him. Like. Right on the mouth.

Holy shit.

He feels Steve start to pull away and in a move of pure desperation he latches himself on to Steve. Like a fucking octopus. Which of course makes Steve laugh at him, again.

“Harrington, the fuck?” Billy is excited and confused, he also wants to make sure that Steve isn’t playing some kind of joke on him. Not that it really matters, most of his dignity went MIA as soon as he wrapped his legs and arms around Steve like the boy was a lifeline.

He feels Steve’s arms come up and wrap around his lower back, keeping him in place. _Sweet baby Jesus_.

“Man, you haven’t exactly been subtle. Not sure if you’ve realized but you’re always staring at my face.”

“Maybe it’s because you have a funny face, Harrington.” Damn that was rude. Billy opens his mouth to take it back and reassure Steve that he has the prettiest face. Which he adores. 

He doesn’t need to though because Steve levels him with a look and clucks his tongue, “I know you think this face is pretty, you tell me all the time.”

Of course there’s no denying that, so Billy just shrugs and presses in closer “Can I get another kiss?” 

They spend the next fifteen minutes, the best fifteen minutes of Billy’s life so far, making out. Things start to get a little more heated when Billy realises Steve is slowly grinding on him and _damn_ he is so happy to be alive right now. 

“As fun as this is, wanna maybe move it indoors?” Billy’s just trying to be responsible here.

Steve agrees quickly with the idea and they both haul themselves out of the pool and run indoors as quick as possible.

Billy says a silent prayer for balls, since they may never come down again, because holy shit it’s cold.

Of course, Steve has to be cute as hell and wraps a big, fluffy towel around Billy before wrapping one around himself. 

Their ascent up the stairs to Steve’s room is slow going, with only Billy to blame. He keeps grabbing Steve and pulling him in for kisses. Trying to get as many as possible just in case Steve comes to his senses and kicks Billy out. 

Once they finally make it to the bed Billy enthusiastically drags Steve down and rolls on top of him.

“I’m gonna blow you, ‘kay?” and Billy waits for an answer because consent’s important.

“Uh, yeah,” Steve looks at him like he’s crazy. “Definitely okay.”

Billy grins and wiggles his tongue at him for the first time in what feels like forever, and leans down to press a kiss to his jaw and slowly work his way down.

He’s saying silent prayers in his head, promising every God he can think of that he’ll do his best to be good from now on, so long as he can keep this.

Right when he gets his fingers to start untying the strings to Steve’s trunks he hears the boy let out a pained noise. Not exactly what one wants to here right before blowing their number one crush. 

He looks up and Steve has his palms pressed to his temples and his face is scrunched up in pain. He looks like he’s going to cry, puke, or pass out. Probably all three.

“Steve?” Billy is a little scared and not quite sure what to do. The sudden shift in mood is really unsettling. “What’s wrong?”

It takes a bit for Steve’s reply, and when it comes, its hushed.

“Really bad migraine.”

and Billy is ready to make a joke, to try and lighten things up, about him being such a girl and using the headache excuse of all things to get out of sex. He doesn’t get the chance, though, because Steve starts seizing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if you hate cliffhangers! I promise there's a happy ending.


	3. A Primer for Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _You do this, you do. You take the things you love_   
>  _and tear them apart_

Billy freaks right the fuck out, to say the least.

He doesn’t know what to do and he feels a hot flash take over before being plunged into a cold sweat. Having a panic attack isn’t going to help but he has no fucking idea what to do. Steve’s having a seizure and he doesn’t have a clue how to help him. 

It doesn’t take long, probably a minute or so if he were counting, for Steve’s body to stop convulsing. Billy stills and waits for Steve to open his eyes.

and waits.

and waits.

He feels like a useless waste of space, sitting there and not doing anything. He checks Steve’s pulse, steady, and his breathing, also steady, and hopes that’s a sign the guy’s going to be okay. 

Time seems to be dragging on and Billy thinks to himself _this is one hell of a first date._

It’s nearing ten minutes since the whole thing has started and Billy’s ready to call an ambulance, feeling like a moron for not calling one right away. 

Just when he’s about to lean over and use the phone next to Steve’s bed, the boy’s eyes start to open.

Billy hesitates a second before lifting his hand to tuck Steve’s hair out of his face.

“How’re you feeling?” A stupid question, since Steve must feel awful, but, he’s more interested in hearing Steve speak at all than anything.

He doesn’t do or say anything at first, clearly still dazed, 

and then he bursts out crying. 

His whole body is shaking and he’s making choked off hiccupping noises. It’s breaking Billy’s heart a bit, he lightly runs his fingers through Steve’s hair. 

He tries talking as softly and calmly as he can. Saying the same nonsense phrases over and over again, like he’s seen people do on the T.V. Telling Steve he’s going to be okay, that Billy is there, nothing bad is going to happen to him, etc. Billy’s not sure if this is something that actually works, considering he can’t remember the last time anyone ever tried to comfort him, but he’s trying his best.

It takes a while, but Steve calms down and his breathing slows, like he’s going to fall asleep again.

Billy weighs his options of what he should do and decides _fuck it_. He gets up off the bed and starts rearranging the blankets to cover Steve before he crawls in next to him. He doesn’t try and cuddle Steve- not sure if it’s welcomed- but he grabs his hand instead and gives it a light squeeze right before drifting off.  
\------------------  
When he wakes up he’s confused, alone, and in the dark. It takes him a second to gather his surroundings and realize that he’s in Steve’s bed and he’s been asleep a lot longer than he intended. 

Steve’s nowhere in sight but he hears movement coming from downstairs. Billy feels somewhat relieved to know the other boy is feeling good enough to move around on his own.

As he gets out of bed he grimaces. Looking down, he realizes he was a dumbass for falling asleep in damp swimming shorts. He glances around the room and quickly finds his clothes so he can change into something dry.

When he finally makes his way downstairs he finds Steve on the couch watching T.V. and judging by the laugh-track it’s probably some stupid sitcom. The other boy is tense, waiting for Billy’s reaction to what happened a few short hours ago.

“Sooo…” Billy figures that’s a strong start to the beginning of an uncomfortable conversation.

He coughs and tries again.

“Does that happen often?” Better than the first try, although, Steve looks just as tense as before. 

He takes a seat on the couch close to, but not touching, Steve.

The other boy doesn’t respond right away. He has a dull look in his eyes, it’s reminds Billy of himself after he gets into it with his dad. 

“Hasn’t happened since January.”

Billy remembers there were days at a time where Steve wouldn’t be at school, and then show up with a doctor’s note that caused his teachers to give him sympathetic looks.

It’s March now, which is hard to believe. He’s spent months trying to build trust, some kind of friendship, between him and Steve and he had no idea Steve was going through this.

Billy gets a sick, queasy feeling in his gut. Steve wasn’t having seizures when they first met, back in October. He’d seen the guy driving everywhere, and now Steve hasn’t been behind the wheel, probably terrified he’s going to have an episode while driving, since before the new semester began.

He doesn’t think people start getting seizures out of the blue.

He takes a deep breath, and then another. He’s trying to gear himself up for the next question.

“When did they start?” 

Steve hesitates and then-

“December.”

Billy feels like he’s going to empty his stomach all over the rug. He feels like a monster. Worse, he feels like his father. He always knew he didn’t deserve anything with Steve and this just solidified it. His eyes are watering and he’s starting to get hot mouth. 

“What caused it?” Billy needs to know, he needs to hear from Steve what hit he took from him that had caused this.

“Billy, I-” The look Billy gives him cuts Steve off.

“Don’t lie to me, Harrington.” Billy’s throat clicks when he swallows once, then twice, trying to get himself under control. “Steve, please, you gotta tell me...” 

It’s a new self discovery, but Billy learns he may be a masochist. That’s the only real explanation he has for asking that, since nothing he does now is going to change the past, no matter how badly he wants to.

“Doctor’s say it was caused by a blunt force to the side of my head.” It’s whispered, like he hopes Billy won’t hear him.

So, it was the plate then.

Billy’s frozen in place. The rug's been pulled out from under his feet and he feels like everything he tried to do to gain Harrington’s trust over these months was for nothing. How could Steve ever trust him, how could he ever really let his guard down around him.

Billy’s lost in his thoughts and doesn’t realize Steve’s reaching for him until he feels a hand on his cheek, his thumb wiping away a few stray tears.

He startles and ducks his face, he starts to move away from Steve, but the other boy grabs onto his wrist.

“Don’t leave me,” Steve’s breath hitches, like he’s now trying to stop himself from crying. “Please, stay with me.”

Billy’s eyes close and the tears start coming in earnest. God when did he get this emotional? 

He knows he loves Steve, but love isn’t enough, it’s _not enough_ to fix the damage he’s caused. He’s ruined Steve’s life and he would be a horrible, despicable human if he thought deserved to be with Steve after what he’d done. He hears Steve begging him to stay but he can’t imagine _why_.

“How can you stand to be around me?” His mouth is moving without his brains permission. “You should hate me for this.” 

His rubs the heel of his hand into one of his eyes, trying to get rid of the onslaught of tears.

Steve opens his mouth and closed it again. Like he isn’t sure what to say.

“I did hate you at first, _so much_ , I was furious, but things could have gone so much worse that night. I-” He cuts himself off. While Billy is reeling at Steve’s honesty, he has no idea the other boy was going to confess _I could have died_ and he’s still amazed he’s alive. “I’m not going to say what happened wasn’t fucked up, because it was, but I don’t want to be angry, not anymore.”

Steve still has a death grip around his wrist and a hopeful look on his face.

Which is why Billy doesn’t take off. He’s already fucked Steve up enough, he knows leaving now is just going to make Steve feel abandoned, especially since he’s in such a vulnerable state mentally and physically.

and really, Billy realizes, that may be the reason Steve wants to hang around Billy after all. He’s lonely, he’s still popular by some arbitrary high school definition, but he doesn’t have any real friends, not any more.

When Steve ended his friendship with Tommy, it had a trickle-down effect- everyone else he was friends with took a step back as well. After, when he and Nancy broke up, he really didn’t have anyone. Sure, he and Nancy still talk, and he got drives with her and Jonathan, but he’s still a bit bitter about the fact she pretended to love him for a year.

Billy thinks Steve’s just accepting Billy into his life because he’s the only person who’s been trying to get in there. He’s probably desperate for companionship, some form of emotional intimacy, and Billy knows he hasn’t been too subtle about his feeling for Steve, and the other boy has clung to that. 

Any romantic notions that Billy had earlier, of him and Steve being together, die a swift and merciless death. The guillotine that is Billy’s rage sliced the head right off any chances of a happy ever after between them. A relationship like that would be far from healthy, Steve is going to have to live the rest of his life dealing with the consequences of Billy’s lack of self-control. You can’t trust someone like that, how can you? 

Steve’s still waiting for a response, not sure if Billy is going to try and bolt or not.

Instead of saying anything, he’s not sure what to say if he’s honest, he grabs Steve’s free hand with his own and gives it a squeeze.

He’s attempting to convey comfort, something friends do, because that’s what Steve needs.

Instead, Steve misreads his attempt at nonverbal communication, _the second time today_ , and instead, he ducks in close and kisses Billy.

Billy’s kind of concerned about how cavalier Steve is about his own well-being.

He knows he should pull back from this and lay down some boundaries. Steve is going to get over how Nancy left him and realize that he’s not actually interested in Billy that way, he just wanted the attention and comfort, and Billy was more than happy to provide it…

but, Billy is in love with him and bit desperate for comfort and affection as well, apparently, because he doesn’t pull back. Instead, he untangles his fingers from Steve’s and cups the other boy’s cheek. He lets Steve deepen the kiss, feels the other boys tongue against his own and the gentle slide of their lips.

He savours it, the feeling of Steve warm and close, the press of their mouths, how his heart feels warm and swollen twice it’s size in his chest. He wants to remember this, always. Steve smiles into the kiss and Billy feels like he’s breaking apart. He wants to have this moment ingrained in his head because this is the last time he’s going to let it happen.


	4. It's Nice Enough to Make a Man Weep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _there's a bluebird in my heart that_   
>  _wants to get out_   
>  _but I'm too clever, I only let him out_   
>  _at night sometimes_   
>  _when everybody's asleep._   
>  _I say, I know that you're there,_   
>  _so don't be_   
>  _sad._   
>  _then I put him back,_   
>  _but he's singing a little_   
>  _in there, I haven't quite let him_   
>  _die_

Steve breaks away from the kiss and yawns right in Billy’s face.

 _real cute_ Billy thinks.

“Sorry,” he looks sheepish and a bit guilty. “I’m usually pretty wiped for a couple days after.”

Billy pulls his hand back from where he had it cradling Steve’s cheek. 

He misses the warmth of it already.

“Do you need me to take you to the doctor’s or somethin’?”

Steve shakes his head in response.

“Nah, I only have to go to emerg if it’s really bad. Like, if-” he catches himself before he says anything else. “Probably won’t be going to class tomorrow, though.”

Billy figures, if he’s going to try and atone for what he’s done, he’s going to make Steve’s life as easy as he can, for as long he is able to.

“I’ll drop off your homework after class tomorrow,” he offers. “I can also pick you up in the mornings if you want?”

Steve’s taken aback by the offer, clearly not expecting Billy to go out of his way for him.

“Man, you don’t have to do that-”

“I know, but I want to.”

Steve smiles at him – Billy prays for self-control, because _goddamn_ that smile never fails to make his heart flutter.

“Gotta admit, it’s weird as hell getting chauffeured around by my ex’s new guy.”

Billy _so fucking agrees with that_. 

“I know! Dude, it looks awkward as hell. Don’t worry though, I got you now.”

Steve laughs, he looks a lot better now the he has a bit of colour in his cheeks again. His gaze falls to Billy’s lips.

“Yeah, you definitely got me.” 

and before he can really process what Steve said, he’s being kissed.

This little interaction feels like the beginning of one of a hundred fantasies he’s had about Steve Harrington. He knows he _really_ has to stop this before it gets anything further- 

and that turns out to be a non-issue since they both hear the distinct sound of the front door to Steve’s house opening. Billy’s 100% sure he just teleported across the room by how fast he moved. 

Honestly, he’s a little impressed. 

Steve- not so much. The guy looks confused and a little alarmed, turning his head slowly to where Billy ended up on the other side of the room.

“Steve, are you home?”

Judging by the voice, Billy realizes he’s about to meet Mrs. Harrington. Hopefully she doesn’t try and murdered him once she realizes who he is.

Although he really wouldn’t blame her, he did hurt her son in a really bad way, after all.

“Yeah, mom. Just watching some T.V.” Steve calls out. 

“Sit the fuck down, you look sketchy as hell just standing in the corner,” he directs at Billy, quietly enough so his mom doesn’t hear, “and please, please, don’t bring up what happened earlier, it’s only going to cause her to stress out.”

He’s pleading and looking at him with imploring eyes, and Billy, helpless to that face, nods in acquiescence. 

He carefully chooses a seat as far from Steve as possible, even is Mama Harrington is home, he’s not sure if that’s going to stop Steve from pouncing him again.

A pretty, put-together woman -Billy can see where Steve gets his eyes and mouth from- walks into the room. She’s wearing a power suit paired with a set of lethal looking heels.

He’s never going to say these words out loud, but Steve’s mom is kind of a fox.

She looks at Steve and then Billy.

“Who’s your friend, Steve?” She has a small smile on her face and Steve looks like he might be blushing.

“Oh, um, mom this is Billy,” Steve is _definitely_ blushing. “We just finished doing some homework for economics.”

Mrs. Harrington’s eyebrows disappear to her hairline, a look of recognition dawns on her face.

“Billy?” 

_This is it_ , Billy thinks, _this is where I’m going to die_. 

She turns to him to look him in the eye, and he’s fully expecting to get chewed out before being murdered.

“Steve’s told me all about you,” She smiles at him. “Says you’re carrying the basketball team, that you’re their best player.”

Billy has to get himself under control and stop being so dramatic.

“Yeah, it’s a lot of work, but someone’s gotta do it,” he gives her a sweet smile. “Steve’s alright though, eases some of the burden from me.”

She laughs, clearly charmed.

Steve rolls his eyes and huffs, trying to look annoyed. It's not very convincing since he’s doing such a poor job hiding his smile.

“Wonderful, thank you, Billy. I’m touched, truly,” he’s as dry as the desert.

“Anytime, amigo. Anytime at all.” 

and while he’s trying his best to project comfortable and happy, he’s dying on the inside. He wants to have this kind of relaxed atmosphere in his own house so, _so_ badly. 

He starts thinking of how it would be to come home to Steve, after a long day at work, pressing a kiss to his forehead and asking how is day went. Listening to him complain about this one _asshole_ co-worker, and how he totally nailed a presentation at his meeting, smiling all the while. Billy would cook them dinner and they’d clean up together, probably doing more fooling around than actual cleaning, and end the night with mind-blowing sex.

They’d have a dog and maybe a cat, and be the designated babysitters for their friends. Only because Steve’s _the best_ and the kids love him so damn much. He and Steve would be so happy, healthy, and in love.

He’s knocked out of his little fantasy when he hears Steve’s mom calling his name.

He smiles at her apologetically.

“Sorry, got lost in thought there.”

He has to take a deep breath to keep himself together, so he doesn’t embarrass himself and start crying in front of Steve and his mother, because now he’s absolutely _aching_ for this future with Steve. One he knows will not happen, 

and it’s all. his. fault.

“No worries, darling. I was just saying I was going to order a pizza, did you want to stay?”

Steve’s looking at him, smiling hopefully.

“Thank you for the offer, but I should be getting home. My dad’ll be wanting me back for dinner.” The lie rolls easy off his tongue, dinner was over at the Hargrove house by now.

He feels like a piece of shit when the smile on Steve’s face flickers out. 

“That’s okay, there’s always next time.” Mrs. Harrington smiles at him and pats his shoulder before leaving the room.

Steve looks at him a little despondently- which is _really_ killing Billy. 

“C’mon, I’ll walk you to your car.”

“It’s fine, you should proba-”

“No, I want to.”

So, Billy shuts up and helps Steve to his feet when he sees him struggling to get off the couch. 

Steve still looks weak and exhausted and all Billy really wants to do is roll him up in blankets and dump him into bed.

He holds onto Billy’s bicep as they walk through the house to get outside and Billy _loves it_ , even though he knows he shouldn’t.

When they finally get to his car Steve lets go of his arm and grabs his hand instead.

He closes his eyes and wishes this could be something.

He feels Steve move close and before he has a chance to turn his head, he feels the boy’s soft lips against his, the tiniest bit of pressure.

It physically pains him to do it, but he breaks off the kiss and takes a couple steps back.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?” He’s fidgeting with his keys so he doesn’t reach out for Steve.

“Yeah,” Steve sounds a bit hoarse and he clears his throat, offering a weak smile. “Can’t wait for that pile of homework, Hargrove.”

Billy laughs, because that’s what he’s supposed to do, even though he feels like he’s rotting away inside. 

He turns away and gets into his car. After he settles into his seat and turns on the engine, he throws Steve a quick wave and backs up.

He only manages to drive down to the end of the street before he has to stop and pull to the side.

His breath is hitching and his eyes are watering. He wants to be with Steve _so bad_ it’s a physical ache. 

The worst part is, if he wanted, Steve and him _could_ be together, since the other boy was clearly starving for affection. Billy knows though, it would only last so long as Steve was in the rebound stage of his break-up with Wheeler. Once he's bounced back, Steve would dump Billy, realizing he deserved better than the person who fucked him up, leaving Billy devastated. Which is really no less than what he deserves.

It’s only a couple seconds longer before he breaks down, really crying, all the emotional whiplash he’s experienced today catching up to him.

He didn’t know being in love with someone could hurt so fucking much.


	5. You Should be Mine

The following three weeks are a series of trial, error, and torture for Billy. He spends a lot of his time with Steve but tries to limit their time alone together. He doesn’t need the temptation, especially because he has little to no self-control. He’s proud, though, that he’s managed to keep his hands to himself and not get into any ‘dangerous’ situations that Steve would later regret.

Sometimes he slips though, in moments of weakness. 

Steve will hug him goodbye, and Billy will cling on a little too tight. Sometimes when they’re on the couch watching crappy T.V. or a shitty horror movie, he’ll let Steve cuddle up to him and Billy will wrap an arm around him and tuck Steve in close. What’s likely to get him caught, though, is how he always seems to be watching Harrington at school, at home, and on the court _way_ too intently.

The last one is _definitely_ out of his control and can’t be held liable for. He’s pretty sure anyone into dick would struggle looking away from Steve while he’s running around in those gym shorts, the swell of his cock clearly visible and leaving pretty much nothing to the imagination.

Not that he has to use his imagination or anything, considering he’s seen Steve’s dick a million times in the locker room.

Which is a whole other issue. Billy does his best to race out of the changing rooms while Steve takes his sweet ass time. Before things went to shit, Billy would happily hang out in the showers and locker room, harassing Harrington for his attention. Now, though, Billy knows he needs to get the hell out as quick as possible, before he sees Steve in all his wet, naked glory and things go totally FUBAR.

But, all in all, Billy is kind of, sort of okay with how things are, and Steve seems to be doing just fine as well.

It’s a sunny Wednesday afternoon and he’s at Steve’s locker waiting for him to escape his last class of the day. Steve’s been belly aching all day about how he was _dying_ for a cheeseburger from the diner off of Main and Billy was indifferent to the idea until now. Now, he’s fucking starving and if Harrington doesn’t show up soon he’s –

“Hey, man,” Steve literally appears out of nowhere, scaring the shit out of Billy. 

Billy tries to glare at him, but he figures it’s kind of pointless when he’s failing to fight the smile off his face.

“Hurry the fuck up and put your shit away. I’m fucking starving.” He knows he’s whining, but he’s hungry, _Dammit!_

“Anyone tell you how romantic you are, Hargrove?” Steve’s laughing at him. “You sure know how to treat a girl right.”

“Damn straight I do, and don’t you forget it.”

Most of their interactions go like this- snarky banter and light-hearted flirting. It’s comfortable and easy and Billy is so glad things are working out.

It’s on their way to the diner that Billy thinks things aren’t going as smoothly as he originally thought. 

He’s been spending the last three weeks artfully dodging kisses, roaming hands, and lustful looks. He tries to act like nothing’s happened after he brushes Steve off, and the other boy always seems to go with it. Either to save face or he just wasn’t that invested in the seduction of Billy Hargrove, Billy isn’t quite sure. Sometimes he would frown if Billy ducked out of getting a kiss or if he came up with a shitty excuse to leave the room if Harrington’s hands started wandering, but he’d eventually shrug it off and go back to what he was doing.

Now, though, Billy thinks he might have been wrong about something. 

It starts out innocent enough, Billy is talking trash about some of the kids in their grade, a couple of the teachers, and Steve’s extremely nosey and rude neighbour. He keeps a running commentary going just to make Steve laugh.

It’s when Steve looks over at Billy, with a warm, fond look in his eyes, and reaches over and gives Billy’s thigh a quick squeeze, that it goes weird. It’s reflexive when his body tights up, like he’s trying to shy away from the touch, but it doesn’t matter because Steve felt it and snatches his hand back. 

The relaxed and happy mood shifts into something uncomfortable and foreign. 

“Sorry,” Steve whispers so softly Billy would’ve missed it if he hadn’t been looking at the boy’s face right then.

and it’s odd. Steve has never apologized for any other advances, so Billy’s confused as to why this one warranted a ‘sorry’.

The boy is frowning, and Billy wants to make that go away. He’s about to open his mouth and try and navigate them out of this uncomfortable silence they fell into but Steve beats him to the punch.

“I don’t think I’m all that hungry anymore, amigo. Think you could just drop me off at home?”

Billy’s heart and stomach simultaneously fall to his ass and he flounders for a second, wondering _what the hell just happened there?_

Steve’s now looking out the window and Billy can’t get a read on his expression.

“Uh yeah, Sure, if that’s what you want?” He’s so fucking confused about what’s going on, it’s making him sound like he’s speaking in questions. “I can hang around a bit, I know you have that test in English tom-”

“It’s fine, Billy-” Steve cuts him off, “I just wanna crash for a bit.”

Steve finally looks away from the windows to give him a weak smile, and all Billy can do is nod and turn the car around so he can get Steve home.  
\-------------------

He doesn’t see Steve again until Friday. He went by his house Thursday to pick him up for school only to be greeted by Mrs. Harrington, who said Steve was going to stay home for the day -- _He’s not feeling too well. Sorry you came all this way, dear._ \--and that she would be bringing him in for school on Friday.

Now, he’s five minutes early to class, _fucking economics_ , waiting for Steve to show up. 

It’s not until right when the bell rings, signalling the start of class, does the boy walk in and take his seat.

As usual, majority of the class is a lecture with the last twenty minutes spent reading a chapter out of the text book. This obviously means Billy will have to resort to passing notes to get some answers out of Steve.

_you good?_

He’s never been a man of few words but he’s trying it out for once. He folds the note up and checks to see if Miller is looking their way before quickly leaning over to drop the note on Steve’s desk.

Steve snatches it up and tries his best to open it as quietly as possible.

Immediately, he starts scribbling a response and Billy needs to learn some patience.

As soon as Steve tosses the note back at him, he nearly rips the paper trying to unfold it.

_ya im all good_

_we going to tommys party tonight???_

Billy pauses. He didn’t think Steve would want to go because for one thing, it was Tommy, and second, Steve told him he couldn’t drink anymore. 

Apparently, alcohol could lead to a seizure. Billy knows it’s not the worst thing in the world to have to give up, but he still feels _so fucking awful_ that Steve can’t be as carefree and enjoy being a teenager like he used to because of him.

Still, he’s not going to ask questions because he definitely wants to go to that party with Steve. He didn’t realize how much he would miss the guy after not seeing him for only a day.

Billy forgoes writing an answer and just winks at Steve mouthing _hell yeah, baby_. Which causes Steve to laugh and in turn, makes Miller pause his lecture to reprimand him. 

Billy and Steve spend the rest of the class grinning at each other like idiots.  
\-----------------

Billy spends the first hour or so of the party sipping on the same beer, feeling guilty about Steve’s sobriety and doesn’t want to get off-the-wall hammered when the other boy couldn’t join in on the fun. Once Steve realizes what Billy’s doing, he starts fetching him drinks -- _Listen Hargrove, since I can’t drink your gonna have to do it for me, we both can’t leave this party sober, that’s so fucking lame dude._ \-- and Billy goes along with whatever Steve wants.

It’s around one in the morning when he notes maybe he should have slowed down, just a tiny bit. He’s clinging to Steve, his body isn’t co-operating with his brain and he’s stumbling everywhere.

Steve’s just laughs and drags him to the kitchen to get some water.

“Hey man, you okay?” Steve’s looking a little worried, Billy figures it’s granted since he consumed enough alcohol for both him and Steve.

“yeah…” Billy hiccoughs. He’s leaning against the counter because he doesn’t trust his body to stay upright on it’s own and gravity is not his friend. “Just…I dunno, a little fizzy..fuzzy?”

Steve grins at him and leans in close-

Billy flinches, a subconscious reaction to what he thought was going to be a kiss, and the grin drops right off Steve’s face.

“Shit man, I’m not going to fucking molest you, alright?” Steve looks hurt. “I was just reaching for a glass.”

_what the fuck?_

“what th’fuck are you talkin’ about, molesting me? ” Billy is wasted and he just does not have the mental capacity for this kind of conversation.

Steve sighs and scrubs his face with his hands before tugging at his hair.

“Look, I’m not smart, but I think I can tell when someone isn’t in to me, doesn’t want me touching them.”

 _oh shit, is that what he really thinks?_ Billy wonders to himself.

He must look confused as fuck because Steve sighs again before elaborating.

“I thought you liked me, you know, but then every time I tried to be near you or touch you, you would clam up or run off.” Steve’s voice wobbles a bit, and Billy starts praying that Steve doesn’t cry because he might cry, he’s so far gone he might cry anyway. “I thought at first you were just gun-shy about being with a guy, but I don’t think it’s that. I think you just don’t have those feelings for me, which is fine.”

“Whaaat? Steve, no-”

“Please don’t lie to me, man. I’ve already dealt with that kind of bullshit, I’m not going through it again.”

Steve is standing there, probably think about Nancy, a little too far from Billy, looking so sad and vulnerable, and Billy still wants him more than anything. Billy decides he doesn’t care about anything else, he just doesn’t want Steve to be sad anymore. 

He decides the best way to make Steve happy again is to show him that he’s wanted, and that’s what he proceeds to do.

He carefully pushes himself off the counter, he’s not keen on introducing his face to the floor, and leans into Steve’s space.

“What are yo-”

He kisses Steve a little harder than he intended, but it doesn’t matter, because Steve shuts up and kisses him back.

Billy pulls away to look Steve in the eye, he knows it’s important he tells him what he wants to say, that he loves him.

“Steve, I like you soooooooo much,” Steve’s hushing him and Billy realizes he might be talking a bit too loud. “sorry…sorry… I like you and your pretty face and …and your nice ass,” he reaches around Steve to give said ass a quick, appreciative grope. 

Steve lets out a small laugh. So much for a love declaration. 

“You’re so wrecked, Billy.”

“Shh Steve, just give me a few more kisses.” It comes out more like a plea than the demand he was aiming for.

Steve closes his eyes and sighs for the third time before leaning in and kissing Billy softly.

There’s barely any pressure, like Steve’s testing it out, to see what Billy will do.

Billy has a nagging feeling in the pit of his stomach, that this may not be a good idea. He quickly quiets the feeling by pressing in closer to Steve and deepening the kiss.

They spend some time like that. Billy has one hand cupping Steve’s cheek and another hand tangled in his hair, while Steve has both his hand twisted in Billy’s shirt trying to drag him closer, until there’s no room at all between their bodies. It’s sweet, and soft, and a little bit desperate.

Billy pulls back to look at Steve. The other boy has his eyes closed and his mouth is kiss-swollen, Billy can’t help himself and sneaks another kiss.

“Wanna see if we can find an empty bed?”

Steve startles, he wasn’t expecting Billy to say anything.

“Yeah- follow me.”

He drags Billy out of the kitchen and up the stairs, everyone is too drunk or too busy to mind where they’re going.

When they finally make it to an empty room Steve wastes no time locking the door and proceeding to push Billy onto the bed and crawling into his lap and resuming where they ended things in the kitchen.

Billy pulls back after awhile, remembering something _super_ important.

“Steve…Steve I just remembered somethin’ sooo important.”

“Yeah, baby?” Steve pressed a kiss against his temple. “what’d ya remember that’s so important?”

Billy looks Steve in the eye before confessing-

“I think I owe you a blow job…” 

Steve starts laughing.

“Oh man, don’t you think you need some sleep?”

Billy considers this.

“Yeah, okay. But first,” He doesn’t finish his sentence, just focuses on maneuvering them so Steve is laying on his back and Billy is hovering over him between the v of his legs.

Billy’s kissing him again when he reaches down and traces Steve’s cock through his pants, making him moan into the kiss. Steve’s so hard it makes Billy impossibly even more turned on than before. He’s going commando and there’s no hiding what’s going on in his pants. He can definitely see a small wet patch that continues to grow the more turned on he gets.

He breaks the kiss so he can lean back and start tugging off his clothes, an idea that Steve quickly follows.

He has a hell of a time unbuttoning his shirt, his fingers feel too fat and stupid to work. Steve sees him struggling and smiles, he leans forward helping Billy undo the buttons, pressing a kiss to each inch of newly revealed skin.

Once they settle down again Billy wastes no time kissing his way down Steve’s body. He’s so slim, and soft, and pretty. Billy feels reverent and worshipful as he finally makes it down to his goal. He flicks his eyes upward to check what Steve’s doing.

He’s leaning up on his elbows, panting and wide-eyed- Billy moans because _fuck, Harrington is so hot_. He looks Steve in the eye and raises an eyebrow, a question, and Steve frantically nods his answer for him to continue. 

Not breaking eye contact, Billy licks Steve from root to tip, listening to and savouring the other boy’s moans. He suckles on the head and traces his tongue along the frenulum, little kitten licks he knows are making Steve crazy, going by the high-pitched, choked off moans the boy is making. He has on hand on Steve’s thigh and the other arm braced over this abdomen, feeling Steve’s muscles tensing and release, and _fuck_ Billy’s so turned on he doesn’t realize he’s grinding his hard-as-nails dick on the bed, seeking relief. 

He starts taking more of Steve into his mouth and his jaw is already aching but it’s so good. The weight, the taste, the texture of him is making Billy feel like he’s going crazy with how much he loves it. He feels depraved because he wants to do this forever.

Wants to make Steve feel good, make him feel wanted. Wants to keep his mouth on Steve’s dick- forever and always, amen.

He feels Steve’s cock hit the back of his throat and he starts swallowing around it, knowing how good it feels. As he gets even harder in his mouth, Billy knows the other boy is going to come soon. Steve starts frantically pushing his shoulder -- _fuck, fuck, fuck Billy, I’m gonna_ — and then switches from trying to push him off to keeping him in place. He has a hand knotted in Billy’s hair and is fucking his throat as he comes. Billy’s so turned on he thinks he could die from it.

Once Steve starts twitching from the over-stimulation, Billy pulls off of him and crawls his way up so he can kiss Steve. 

Billy feels a hand circling his cock, and it only takes a couple short, fast strokes before he’s coming all over himself and Steve’s belly.

He breaks away from the kiss to try and gauge how Steve’s feeling. His face and chest are flushed pink and he looks more loose and relaxed than Billy’s ever seen him

They adjust themselves so they’re both facing each other; Steve burrows himself into Billy’s chest.

“Billy?” Steve whispers like he’s afraid of breaking the hushed silence of the room.

“Yeah, baby?” He’s drifting and is about to fall asleep.

Then he feels the barest hint of a kiss against his pulse, his cheek, and the corner of his mouth.

He pulls Steve in closer. Any space at all between them feels like it’s too much to bare. 

He falls asleep, feeling the happiest he’s ever been. With Steve safe, warm, and tucked up into him.


	6. Sweeter than Heaven

Billy thinks he’s dying when he wakes up. He’s lying on his front and there’s a heavy weight on his back keeping him in place. It takes a minute for it to click that it’s Steve, dead asleep, who’s trying to suffocate him into his pillow.

He’s a bit hung over, but nothing too bad. He’s done worse to himself plenty of times before, so his body has probably acclimatized to the self-abuse by now. Also, his age is probably working for him in the whole not waking up wanting to die after a night of hard drinking.

He turns back to look at Steve. The boy’s passed out and looks relaxed. Something tight in Billy’s chest, that he didn’t notice was there, loosens at the sight. Unfortunately, he’s dying of heat and is craving a smoke something wicked. 

Fortunately, he’s had years of experience of sneaking out of beds while people were still in them, and even better, Steve could sleep through a nuclear explosion. 

With that thought in mind, he carefully extracts himself from Steve’s python grip and goes about finding his jeans, which have somehow gotten under the bed, and making his way to the en-suite bathroom.

As he becomes more aware of his surroundings, he feels a hysterical laugh building in his throat. Apparently, Steve decided that using Tommy’s parents’ bedroom to fool around in was a good idea. 

He sets about looking for some mouthwash and a towel he can soak to scrub some of the dried cum off his chest and stomach. _So gross_. Once he finally finds the stash of towels, under the sink, and the mouthwash, by the toothbrushes, he goes about his business cleaning up. 

It’s not until after he’s done he vows he’s never letting that happen again and to give Steve shit for falling asleep before having the _common decency_ to grab a cloth for Billy. 

He’s sitting on the lid of the toilet tank smoking out the open window when he here’s a muffled thump come from the bedroom followed by some angry murmuring. The bed’s not in his line of sight, but he wishes it was, just to get a glance at a sleepy, grumpy Steve.

He doesn’t have to pine for long because approximately two seconds later Steve come barging into the bathroom with a royally pissed off look on his face.

Billy’s about to ask him _what the fuck did mornings ever do to you?_

but before he has the chance, Steve catches sight of him, sitting on top of the toilet, and the murderous expression slides right off, like it was never even there.

“Oh, hey,” Steve looks a bit shy, _cute_ , “thought you’d left…”

and that would explain his attitude coming into the bathroom.

“What, me leave after a night like that? Nah, not my style.”

“What? Fuck you, that’s totally your style. You’ve made, like, three different girls cry last semester because of it.”

Billy nods his head in concession, Steve’s not wrong.

“Okay then, guess you can consider yourself special.” He’s got a shit eating grin on his face and Steve’s giving him a look that’s a cross between _you’re an asshole_ and _I’m reluctantly flattered_.

Steve finds the mouth wash sitting on the counter and does a quick gargle, making a face after spitting in the sink, muttering about his mouth being on fire.

Bending over, he starts opening cupboards, presumably looking for a towel. 

“Under the sink,” Billy offers. “So, Steven, riddle me this…why are we in Tommy’s parents room?”

Steve’s frowning at his stomach, trying to wash off the dried cum without getting his boxers wet.

“I dunno man, seemed like a good idea. At least nobody else would be stupid enough to come in here.” 

_huh._

“Well then, guess we better sneak out before everyone else wakes up, don’t exactly want to get caught here.”

Steve huffs and tosses the dirty towel in the hamper. 

“Yeah, guess so.”

He looks a little sad and a little nervous, it’s not a combination Billy likes seeing on that pretty face. He lifts the lid to the toilet to drop the cigarette butt in before gesturing to Steve.

“Hey, c’mere,” he sticks out a hand to pull Steve close to him once he gets near enough. “What’s wrong, baby?”

Steve’s hosting a small blush on his cheeks all the while biting his lip. Billy could eat him up.

“S’nothing, just tired I guess.” 

Billy snorts, because yeah Steve’s probably tired but that’s not all there is to it.

“Don’t lie to me. Just tell me what’s up so I can fix it.” Seeing Steve so upset last night made Billy hate himself a little more. He wanted to help put Steve back together, not completely destroy him.

Steve sighs before rubbing his free hand over his face. 

“I don’t want things to go back to the way they were.” He looks painfully nervous now, like he’s scared Billy’s going to react badly to what he has to say. “I have no idea where your head’s at. No idea if last night was a one off or not. I hate feeling like this, like I’m a chick wondering if a boy likes her or if he’s just fucking around.”

Billy feels like complete shit. He thought he was doing the right thing, by keeping Steve at an arms length, but he realizes, now, how wrong he was.

Steve wants someone to want him, and while Billy knows it’s going to kill him in the end, when Steve gets over this slump and leaves Billy in the dust, he doesn’t want to hurt Steve again. 

He’ll give Steve whatever he wants, it’s not exactly a hardship. He knows he doesn’t deserve anything from the other boy though, so he figures giving into this thing, at least a little bit, won’t be so terrible as long as it’s solely focused on Steve’s wants and needs. 

With his decision made, he stands up and leans in to press a kiss to Steve’s down-turned mouth. It’s not a deep kiss, but it’s desperate, he feels it thrumming through him, he wants Steve to know how much Billy wants him. He brings one of his hand up to frame Steve’s jaw, swiping his thump along his cheek bone. His other hand migrates to Steve’s hip, grabbing and pulling him in closer.

He hears a hitch in Steve’s breathing and a soft moan before he feels him getting hard in his boxers. Billy hums into the kiss and moves the hand from Steve’s waist to stroke him through his boxers, causing Steve to moan a little bit louder.

Billy breaks off the kiss so he can whisper against Steve’s mouth.

“Lemme take care of you, yeah?” 

He gets a quick, breathless _yeah_ in reply before being dragged back into the kiss.

He slowly guides Steve backwards into the bedroom and sits him down on the bed. He takes his time laying him down and pressing soft kisses and nips on his throat and chest, feeling Steve’s fingers carding through his hair as he works his way down.

and right when he’s pulling Steve out of his underwear and getting to the _good_ part, Steve’s whispering his name like a prayer…

someone starts banging on the bedroom door telling _whoever the fuck is in there better get the fuck out_.

Billy face plants into Steve’s thigh and starts cracking up while listening to Steve groan about being cockblocked by Tommy H of all people.


	7. You are a Fever I'm Learning to Live With

Billy’s going to be sporting a black-eye thanks to this mornings great escape from Tommy’s parents’ room. Since going through the door together wasn’t an option according to Steve -- _I’d really like to see how you’re going to explain why the both of us were in here all night._ \--and neither really wanted to confront Tommy on their own, they had gone through the window. Lucky for them it was over the garage roof, so they only had two short drops to get down.

Billy had to admit, he’s a little disappointed by how ungraceful Steve was getting down. Apparently, no matter how many windows he has snuck in and out of, practice did not make perfect. Which is exactly how Billy ended up with a nice shiner on his right eye. Steve, bless his heart, misjudged the distance from the eavestrough to the ground and, in his flailing, nailed Billy in the face with his elbow. 

Currently, Billy’s laid up in bed holding a bag of frozen peas over his eye, hoping the bruising doesn’t get too bad. 

He was grateful to come home to an empty house; his father and Susan took Max for the weekend to see an out of town relative. He doesn’t need them needling and asking questions, wondering if he had it out with someone again; stirring up trouble. It’s become an increasingly less common occurrence these days, him starting fights. He doesn’t want to fuck up again like he did with Steve, he doesn’t need anymore guilt on his conscience. 

He knows he’s turning soft but it’s not really a bad thing, it just leaves him feeling raw and exposed. Since his mom left, and he was stuck living with his old man, the only two consistent emotions he has felt have been fear and anger. 

Now, though, he’s feeling a whole kaleidoscope of shit. 

Some emotions are like a tickle, a barely there presence that kind of just brushes by him, like a caress or flutter of wings. Others, like _love_ are a sucker-punch to the gut. He ends up breathless and aching; looking for the bruises it must be leaving behind. Billy wonders if it feels this way for everyone or if it’s just something Harrington does to him. 

Some days, it’s like he’s barely functional. His thoughts are a constant loop of Steve, thinking about the smell, taste, feel of his skin to wondering if he’s sleeping okay at night; does he get nightmares like Billy does?

He wonders how often Steve thinks about him. If he lays awake at night thinking about Billy, or does he still think about Nancy? Regretting whatever mistakes he’s made and going through all the _what if_ scenarios.

It’s not exactly healthy to be so caught up in one person, but Billy’s never had a good role-model for relationships so what the fuck does he knows about how things are supposed to work.

Billy sighs and his eyes fall shut. He wonders how pining over this pretty, preppy boy has become his life.  
\---------------  
It’s Monday morning before Billy gets to see Steve again. He’s in his car idling in Steve’s driveway checking out the bruising around his eye. It’s not that dark, a little purple but mostly greens and yellows, meaning it won’t take too long to heal. 

Hearing the car door open he flips the visor back up and turns to Steve, watching the boy slide into the passenger seat.

“Hey, your eye’s not lookin’ too bad actually,” Steve reaches a hand out to cup Billy’s jaw, turns his head this way and that, getting a good look at the damage. He grins sheepishly. “Sorry about that…again.”

Billy rolls his eyes. Steve has apologized a million times at this point. “It’s fine, like you said, it’s not too bad. Although…” He flashes a cheeky grin, “you can always kiss it better.” 

Steve laughs at him. “yeah? Sure, okay.” He leans in and brushes a featherlight kiss next to the bruise. “Anything else hurt, Hargrove?” 

Billy pulls an exaggerated thinking face before nodding. He feels Steve trace the bridge of his nose.

“Does it hurt here?”

Billy shakes his head. A thumb swipes along his jaw,

“how about here?”

Billy shakes his head again. Steve tilts his head like he’s thinking, purses his lips and shuts one eye in concentration.

“and here?”

He feels a finger tap his lower lip. Billy grins and nods, causing Steve to laugh again.

“Yeah, big surprise there, buddy. Don’t worry though, I’ll make it feel better.”

The kiss starts out soft and slow, and it was meant to stay that way, but of course, Billy has a lap full of Steve and a hand in his shirt in record timing.

It’s perfect.

But all good things have to come to an end.

Billy breaks off the kiss, leaning back into the seat; hands cradling Steve’s hips.

“Off you get, Harrington.” He pats Steve’s thigh, willing him to get off or else Billy’s going to have a problem and his pants aren’t very forgiving.

Steve huffs as he levers himself off Billy’s lap and settles back into his seat. He’s looking at Billy with an exaggerated pout.

There’s something crawling up Billy’s chest and into his throat. It’s a hundred different emotions he’ll never bother to identify, but he knows that Steve’s the only person who’s ever got him like this.

He starts the car and digs around for his Marlboro’s and lighter.

“Don’t worry pretty boy, there’s always tonight.” He winks and Steve blushes.

 _Adorable_.  
\---------------  
The day felt like it had dragged on forever, and now Billy is itching to get the _hell out_. 

He’s at Steve’s locker watching the boy go through his texts, considering which ones he absolutely needs for homework and which can be left abandoned for another night. As he’s packing away what he needs, he starts running through which movies are best for their _date night_.

“Either Nightmare on Elm or Indiana Jones,” is Billy’s opinion, Steve’s contemplating his calculus and vectors book, wondering if it’s really worth the hassle dragging that tomb home. 

“Indiana Jones, definitely,” Steve suddenly has a nervous on his face.

“What, don’t like scary movies?” Billy teases, leans in to whisper “It’s okay baby, I’ll protect you from the big bad Freddy.”

He gets an eyeroll for his effort.

“Not that, I rather just wat-” Steve trails off in the middle of his sentence, eyes zeroing in on something happening over Billy’s shoulder.

Turning around, he catches sight of Wheeler and Byers, holding hands, heads ducked and having a rather intimate looking conversation.

Glancing back at Steve was a mistake. The guy has a look of hurt and envy on his face. There’s acid in Billy’s guts and it’s like poison crawling up inside of him, burning everything it touches. He knows Steve loved, _loves_ , Wheeler so it shouldn’t be such a shock to see him pining over her, but it leaves him hallow and bitter.

“You rather just what, Harrington?” It comes out a little more harsh, more impatient, than he intended. He doesn’t really have a justification for it either. He’s a walking talking cliché, when he’s hurt, he grows mean.

“I, uh…” Steve’s a little taken aback, “I just rather watch Harrison Ford. But, we can watch both, if you want?”

He looks hesitant, not sure if Billy’s going to snap at him again. It makes Billy feel like shit almost immediately. 

“Yeah, sounds good.” He pushes off the lockers and makes his way to the parking lot, not checking to see if Steve’s following or still watching Wheeler.  
\-------------- 

His mood is shot for the rest of the afternoon and it’s quickly grating on Steve’s nerves.

“Seriously, man, what the hell’s your problem?” Steve has every right to be annoyed. Any attempt he’s made to get close to Billy or even really talk with him has been brushed off.

They’re sitting on Steve’s bed about to watch Temple of Doom and the boy had leaned into Billy, to which he grumbled out something to the effect of _I’m not your goddamned pillow, Harrington_.

“Nothing’s the matter, just drop it.” Billy’s embarrassed by his own immaturity, but he can’t help it. It’s like he’s temporarily lost control of his body and some mean, petty thing has taken over the driver’s seat.

“Of course, it’s nothing.” Steve laughs and it’s a dry, brittle thing. “I wish you would just fucking talk to me if something’s bothering you instead of doing this.” 

Billy balks.

“This? Sorry for being _such_ an inconvenience, your highness.” He feels his cheeks getting hot, not sure if its from the embarrassment or the anger. He moved to get up, he needs to leave before he says something even more stupid. 

“Billy, please…” and fuck, Harrington looks so sad. “Don’t leave. I don’t know what I did to make you so mad.”

Billy doesn’t particularly enjoying being an asshole, at least not anymore, so he takes a second to calm himself down.

“It’s nothing you did. Sorry I’m such a dick.”

Steve looks a little skeptical but nods anyway, accepting his apology.

“Y’know if you need to vent, I’m here right?” He’s so sweet and earnest, too good for Billy.

and like before, he has no control over what’s coming out of his mouth.

“I saw you looking at Wheeler today. When we were at your locker….” He trails off, not knowing what to say. Steve’s sporting an impressive deer-in-headlights impersonation. “I get you still want her, it just makes me-”

“Billy, what the fuck? No!” He’s cut off before he can continue sharing his _feelings_ which really might be for the best. “I haven’t felt like that for Nance in months.”

Billy snorts.

“I know what I saw.”

“Yeah, okay. What you saw was me wishing we could do what Nancy and Jon can do. I can’t even look you in the eye too long without starting the rumour mill. Could you imagine? _Have you heard? Harrington wants Hargrove’s dick_. You’re the only one I want.”

Billy’s first thought was that Steve did a decent impression of Tommy. Second was, Oh.

“Oh…” He must have some sort of stupid look on his face, but he doesn’t really care. He can’t get over the fact Steve told him he was over Nancy. Told Billy that he wishes they could be public with their relationship.

“Yeah, _Oh_ ” Steve’s smiling again, clearly relieved he solved the source of the problem. “Can we get back to watching Harrison Ford, now?”

Billy’s heart is back to feeling way too full and tight in his chest, beating at double-time. Steve is so perfect, he wonders how Nancy Wheeler ever could have left him. 

“No, I don’t think so.” He tries to give Steve his best _oh, shucks. Sorry!_ face.

“What do you mean, _I don’t think so_ , did you have a better plan in mind?” 

“As a matter of fact, I do.”

Using the element of surprise, he gets Steve on his back and straddles him.

“Hey, pretty boy.” Billy grins.

Steve doesn’t deign him with a response, just reaches a hand out to pull Billy down into a kiss.

After a minute he pulls back a fraction of an inch, when Steve opens his mouth to talk their lips are still touching.

“I love you, you know that right?”

Billy swears his heart just about stops from shock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No idea where all the fluff is coming from?
> 
> Thank you to everyone reading, giving kudos, and commenting, I really appreciate ya'll!


	8. Sleep With One Eye Open (Terrified to get my heart broken)

Billy pulls back, dumbfounded. There’s a flurry of responses that come to mind, from _oh fuck yes_ to _don’t play with me, Harrington_ and _bad choice there, pal_. Most predominantly, though, he wants to tell Steve _I love you so much I can hardly think around it_.

He takes a second to savour the moment, he kisses Steve once, twice, and takes a breath-

“Don’t say anything,” Steve interjects, he’s looking at Billy like he’s trying to figure something out. “I don’t wanna hear anything you’re gonna end up taking back.”

Billy does have to say something though; the words are crawling out of his throat and he’s desperate for Steve to hear them. Wants to reassure him he wouldn’t ever take the words back. He lifts a shaky hand to cup Steve’s jaw, swipes his thumb across his bottom lip. 

Steve doesn’t let him talk, though, cuts him off at the pass. He leans up and kisses him again, it feels frantic this time. He rolls them over, pinning Billy, trying to fit them as close together as he can. He pulls back and Billy feels him mouth and nip along his jaw down toward his throat. He feels Steve’s teeth against his pulse and he knows there’s going to be bruise there for all the world to see.

He gives Steve’s hair a gentle pull, guiding the boy’s mouth back to his, trying to slow things down a bit. Billy’s never been partial to being tender or sweet in bed, it’s always been fast and rough, but with Steve, he finds himself wanting to draw everything out; make each touch count.

He tries to keep it as slow and unrushed as possible. It’s only 4:00 and they have a whole five hours to do whatever before Billy needs to get back home. 

Predictably though, they _are_ teenage boys after all and Billy really can’t help himself, things start to get more heated.

He slides a hand down to the top of Steve’s jeans and works open the belt, and then his button and fly. It’s a bit of a tight fit but he manages to get his hand far enough into Steve’s underwear to wrap a hand around his dick, tracing the vein underneath with the pad of his thumb until he gets to the head, he drags his nail lightly across the slit.

Steve moans into the kiss and Billy smiles. He starts tugging on the hem of his shirt signalling it should be coming _off_ right the fuck _now_. The boy catches on, leaning back he pulls off his t-shirt, his lean body and soft tummy on display for Billy. He runs his hands up the ladder of Steve’s ribs, feeling the softness of his skin.

“Fuckin’ Christ, you’re so hot,” it comes out as a whisper, full of awe and reverence. 

Steve laughs and ducks his head, there’s a blush staining his cheeks. Billy props himself on an elbow and tangles his free hand into the other boy’s hair, dragging him down into a kiss. 

He feels Steve pulling open his belt and undoing his jeans, long fingers trailing against his cock. The boy breaks the kiss so he can stand up and shuck off his pants and underwear while Billy, gracefully, wiggles out of his own bottoms. 

Billy yanks Steve back onto the bed, feeling grounded with the other boy’s body on top of him, pressing him into the mattress. They start a slow grind with their hips, slowly rutting into each other. It feels more intimate than anything Billy has ever experienced. Listening to Steve’s breath hitching and the feel of his body against Billy’s, he can feel his muscles contacting with each grind of their hips.

Billy leans up to catch Steve’s mouth in another kiss, it’s dirty and wet, mostly tongue and uncoordinated. But it’s still perfect, even when it devolved into them basically panting into each others mouths.

Billy feels the tell-tale signs that he’s close, there’s heat licking up his spine and a tingling that starts in his toes moving up through his calves to his thighs. His face and chest feel flushed and, to his ever-living embarrassment, he knows he’s turning pink. 

“Fuck—Steve, fuck I’m close,” he’ll never admit it, but it comes out as a whine. He feels Steve’s hand circle his dick and start jerking him off. It lasts all of thirty seconds before it’s game over, he comes all over Steve’s hand and his stomach. He feels a bite on his shoulder as Steve smothers his groan as he follows Billy over the edge, contributing to the mess on his abs. 

As they lay there panting, eyes closed, Billy turns his head and presses a kiss onto Steve’s sweaty forehead. He wraps one arm around Steve’s back, pulling him in close, and uses his other hand to run it through Steve’s hair, as they come down from their post-coital high. 

“Babe?” His voice is a bit muffled by Steve’s hair but the boy obviously hears him going by his answering _hmm?_. He hesitates for a second, wondering if this is the right time to say it. “I love you, too.” It comes out a lot quieter than intended, but Steve _definitely_ hears that.

“Man, seriously?” Steve’s pulls back a bit out of Billy’s embrace. He’s braced on his forearm leaning over Billy, looking down at him. There’s laughter in his voice, looking amused as fuck. “Seriously? Had to say it right after you blow your load, huh? Such a cliché.”

Billy can’t help but laugh, he’s feeling so happy right now it’s near surreal.

“Yeah, well, when else would I have said it?”

He gets a pillow to the face for that.

After he flings the offending object out of the way he turns to Steve and sees the forlorn look on his face. The boy catches Billy looking at him and cuts his eyes away again. He looks like he’s debating with himself.

“Do you really, though?” 

It’s a near whisper and Billy has no idea what he’s talking about.

“Do I really- what now?”

“Love me.” He’s looking Billy in the eye again, trying to read his reaction.

Billy wonders what the hell Steve has gone through for him to ask that.

“I wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t mean it,” he brushes Steve’s hair back, keeping eye contact, realizing Steve is looking for a hint of a lie. "Why?” _What happened? Why do you ask? How can you not see how crazy I am about you?_. They’re all questions he wants to ask but they get stuck somewhere in his throat.

“Nancy told me she loved me for nearly a year.” Steve’s eyes are dry, but he’s clearly still hurting from whatever happened. “Turns out she didn’t. Told me it was _bullshit_ , that I’m _bullshit_. I think she was only with me because she couldn’t be with Byers. She didn’t want to be alone so she lied to me for a year. She lied to me so she didn’t have to be by herself.”

Billy barely registers his own breathing, or whatever look he has on his face. He hadn’t known what caused the break up between Steve and Wheeler, neither of them wanting to bring up the sore subject. But now that he does know, Billy feels fucking awful. 

He’s angry and upset for Steve. He can’t imagine the emotional and mental toll of that. How much that must have hurt Steve’s self-confidence and self-worth. How it affected his ability to trust others and not second guess people’s intentions towards him.

Ultimately though, he feels like complete garbage for thinking Steve was doing the same thing to him. He had thought Steve had only wanted to be with him to fill some void because he couldn’t be with Nancy. Billy was so caught up in his own self-sacrificing mission that he didn’t realize the implications of these assumptions. 

While Billy was willing to accept having his heart torn out because he thought he deserved it, he didn’t think how cruel the action of taking advantage of someone’s love is. He didn’t think of how he was attributing this cruelness to Steve.

He knows nothing he says now will make things better for Steve. Words are just words. But, he’ll be damned if he lets the boy doubt how much he cares for him. He crazy he is over him. 

He pulls the other boy close, tucking him to his chest. Tells him _I’ve got you_ and _I’m not going anywhere_. Really wants to tell him _You’re everything I’ve ever wanted and worth dying for, too._

Instead, he stretches an arm out to grab some tissues off the nightstand to clean up Steve and himself. After, he grabs the blanket and pulls it over their bodies and their heads, tucking them away from the world for a little bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo sorry for the wait on this! 
> 
> The line "You're everything I've wanted and worth dying for, too" is taken (almost) directly from Richard Siken's "Wishbone". The chapter title comes from All I know by the Weeknd.
> 
> Thanks again to everyone for the kudos, comments, and reading! You're all stars!


	9. I'm On Fire

After their little heart-to-heart two weeks ago, sweet declarations of _I love you_ , things between Billy and Steve start feeling a little more secure, more relaxed. They’ve been spending their afternoons together and the routine of it all feels downright domestic, something Billy thought he would have hated. Monotony for him was an itch he couldn’t scratch. He hated feeling like he was stuck in a rut, doing the same thing day-in, day-out. With Steve though, it made Billy feel settled, it’s something he can depend on.

Steve is an anchor that keeps Billy tethered, keeps him from floating away. An idea he used to find horrifying, can’t imagine being stuck to one place, let alone one person. Now, though, Billy wonders what he was so scared of in the first place. Turns out, having someone who is a constant in your life, someone you can trust, improves things drastically. 

Steve is sweet and affectionate without it being over bearing, he’s got a weird sense of humour, and he’s goofy as hell. It’s charming as fuck and makes Billy’s insides do weird things, he appreciates the fact Steve trusts Billy enough to be himself when they’re together. He also appreciates the hell out of Steve’s body, and the way he’s comfortable in his own skin; the way he lets Billy touch and explore him without a hint of reservation.

They’ve been spending a significant amount of time together in the last month and a half and every time he sees Steve, he’s as equally as excited as the last time he was with the boy. His heart thumps in his chest, excited, his palms sweat a bit, and he knows he always has the _stupidest_ grin on his face. 

Since this whole thing started between them, Steve has been a steady and solid support system– something that Billy wants to be, needs to be, for Steve. 

Steve’s self-esteem is shot to shit. While he’s confident enough about how he looks, he believes that there’s nothing special about him, nothing to make someone want to stay, thinks that he is an idiot. Billy has zero (0) examples of how to be a supportive person, but like always, he tries his best.

He helps his boy with homework when needed, tries to help him as best he can for Steve to come up with the answer on his own. That way he feels some sense of accomplishment – this way Steve can recognize he is capable of doing things he thought were too advanced for him. He reassures Steve that intelligence can’t be measured in essay writing and having the next 75 years of your life planned out by the ripe age of 18.

He knows Steve has a boatload of issues with insecurity and loneliness, probably stemming from a lifetime of mostly absent parents and how things ended with Nancy. Steve isn’t the self-pitying type, doesn’t fish for compliments or put himself down just for people to sing his praises to make him feel better.

At most, Steve can be a bit self-deprecating, but it’s usually delivered as a joke, like he isn’t being serious. So, it’s not with words that Billy figures out how Steve feels about himself, but through action. Steve doesn’t like to impose, doesn’t like to ask for things. When he wants something from Billy he skirts around it until Billy figures things out on his own.

He doesn’t know if the other boy is doing this consciously, where Billy offers him something-- a ride somewhere, help with homework, offering to stay the night since Steve has a rough time sleeping-- and Steve will say _no thanks_ or _don’t worry about it, man_ all the while looking like he wants nothing more than to take Billy up on what he’s offered.

So, Billy’s kind of stopped asking if Steve wants or needs something and just starts doing it. So far, it’s worked out for the better. If he doesn’t give Steve the chance to say no, the other boy is happy to accept Billy’s help.

And while Billy has been working on his own issues, thinking that, okay, Steve isn’t using him as a Nancy substitute, he’s having a hard time coming to terms with how he’s caused Steve’s epilepsy. It’s been easier to forget, to push that guilt down, as awful as that sounds, since Steve hasn’t had an episode since March. It was the first and only time Billy has seen it happen, but he still thinks about it on a daily basis—mostly when he’s by himself at night with only his thoughts as company.

He knows Steve takes regular trips to the doctors and is on a cocktail of medication to keep things in check. Steve’s also been so careful, knows what he should and shouldn’t do, avoiding triggers, and it’s been working. His doctor is even saying that if things continue this way, Steve should be able to start driving again. Steve is more than ecstatic at the news, wanting desperately to gain back some of his lost independence; is ready to stop feeling like a burden.

Billy doesn’t mind driving Steve around, likes spending the time together, but he knows Steve wants to be able to do things on his own. He hasn’t said as much, but he doesn’t really need too, not with how he gets an annoyed look on his face that he can’t really go anywhere without someone else to chaperone him.

Steve hasn’t really complained about his situation at all with Billy. Although, how could he? Billy was the one who caused this, and it would be one hell of an awkward situation if Steve started venting to him about it. Billy often wonders how much resentment is building inside of Steve, how long it’s going to take until it shows.  
\------

Billy’s never been a fan of family dinners, especially the ones at his own house, but he thinks the one’s involving the Harrington’s aren’t too bad, despite Steve’s warnings. As usual, Mrs. Harrington is charmed by Billy, happy that he’s finally joined them for a meal. Mr. Harrington, is harder to read. He asks Billy about school, asks what college he wants to go to, what programs he wants to take.

It feels a little bit like an interview, one he seems to pass when Mr. Harrington nods in approval after Billy answers his string of questions.

Despite what Steve has told him about his parents, how they’re always gone, more invested in their work than their son, Billy can see how much they care about Steve. They just show it different than most parents.

While Steve’s dad still travels a lot for work, it’s unavoidable, his mom has been around a lot more since the ‘accident’. They’re both tuned in to Steve whenever he talks, and even though they don’t always respond the way he’s hoping, they're still listening. They want him to succeed, even if their versions of success are different than their sons.

They’ve just finished eating and Mr. Harrington is asking what Steve is planning on doing tomorrow after school.

“I have a doctor’s appointment and then I’m probably going to study for English,” Steve’s got a frown on his face that Billy wants to kiss away, low-key annoyed he can’t.

Instead, he offers to take Steve to his appointment.

“I can take you after I drop Max off. They gonna tell you if you can start driving yet?”

Steve’s dad has a quizzical look on his face, then Billy remembers that Steve confessed to him that nobody really knows of his condition beyond his parents, a few teachers, Billy, Nancy, and Jonathan. The only reason Nancy and Jon know, according to Steve, is because the first time he had a seizure, was in front of them. 

“You know what happened to Steve?” Mr. Harrington is giving him another assessing look. Interview round 2.

“A bit,” he shrugs. Billy’s not sure what to say, not sure what Steve wants him to say, if anything. 

“Do you know who did it?” Steve’s dad is looking grim, looks angry. Billy’s feeling hell of a lot more nervous now than he did 2 minutes ago.

Clearly Steve doesn’t want this conversation to happen either, not with the way he tries to cut his dad off, “Dad, just leave it, it doesn’t matter.”

“It doesn’t matter?” and well, dad’s definitely angry now. “What do you mean it doesn’t matter? Some bastard out there has ruined your life!” He’s angry and upset. Probably thinking of how his son has suffered, the things he has missed out on. “Some monster ruined your life, and you don’t want him to pay for it. I don’t understand you, son.” He doesn’t need to verbalize _why are you protecting them?_

Billy feels nauseous, feels sick with guilt. It was getting easier to push down the ever-present feeling but it’s back full force now.

Steve’s mom is staring down at her plate, face pulled tight. She has the kind of look that if she were to talk, she might cry. Billy can relate.

“It doesn’t matter because it doesn’t change anything. I’ll still be living with this and nothing is going to change.” Steve doesn’t look angry, just resigned. 

Billy isn’t sure what’s worse.

“That’s not why I’m asking, Steve.” His dad now looks resigned, too. This conversation must have happened a hundred times and Billy wonders what Steve thinks each time it comes up. “I know it won’t change anything. That’s not the point. The point is, he has to accept the consequences. Your mother thought you were going to die. We thought we were going to lose our son, our only child,” He pauses, and Billy feels tears prickling at the back of his eyes _fuck_. “You have no idea how that feels, and I never want you to. But, the person who did this, needs to answer for it.” 

Billy wants to leave. Wants the floor to swallow him up. Wants to confess to Steve’s parents it was him, and he’s sorry, and he wouldn’t defend himself from whatever they deemed worthy as a punishment. He can’t imagine being in their place, thinking they were going to lose Steve. 

Steve is staring at his plate, a reflection of his mom, resolutely not looking at Billy. 

“Dad, I- it was an accident, okay? We got into a fight and I took a hit wrong. It could’ve happened to anyone,” Steve’s still looking down, won’t look at any of them.

Billy feels like he’s going to combust, shake out of his skin, fracture apart into a million tiny pieces- there’s a violent feeling blooming inside of him and he doesn’t know what to do with it.

Mr. Harrington sighs and nods to himself, like he’s expected this answer. Knows how much of a martyr his son is. Standing up, he presses a kiss to his wife’s head, _thank you for dinner_ and shakes Billy’s hand and tells him _it’s always nice to meet a friend of Steve’s who’s a good influence_ and retires to his office.

There’s an awkward, pregnant pause before Billy cuts the silence.

“I think I should head out now,” Steve’s mom looks up at him, a bit of a frown on her face and Billy ends up giving her a strained smile. “Thank you for dinner, Mrs. Harrington. It was delicious.”

She smiles tentatively back at him, still unmoored by the drastic and depressing change in the dinner conversation. 

“Thank you sweetheart, you’re welcome back anytime.” She leans over the table to pat his arm before gathering some of the dishes and bringing them to the kitchen.

Billy really doesn’t want to go back home, but he can’t stay here any longer. He feels like he’s drowning and he can’t think. Well, can’t think beyond what Steve’s father had said.

Steve walks him outside to his car, it’s tense, neither boy knowing what the other is thinking, neither wanting to start talking.

Except, Steve’s got bigger balls than he does and bites the proverbial bullet.

“I meant what I said in there,” they’re standing by the Camaro, both looking at the ground. Billy digs the toe of his boot in the dirt, feels awkward and unsure of himself. He looks up when he feels Steve’s hand wrap around his bicep, giving it a gentle squeeze. “It doesn’t matter, at least not anymore. I told you I forgave you.”

Billy’s looking him in the eyes when he says, “I probably would have killed you if Max didn’t drug me.” There’s no point in denying it. He remembers the red, hot fury he was filled with when he laid Steve to waste. One part of him knew it was Steve under him, the boy he already was half in love with and didn’t know what to do about it. The other half didn’t even acknowledge there was a real person taking those hits, he was out of control and he couldn’t stop what he was doing.

Steve doesn’t have a visible reaction, he still has a hand on Billy’s arm, looking at him likes he’s trying to figure something out.

“Not sure if you heard, but you’re not the first one who I thought was going to kill me in a fight,” Billy frowns, he definitely didn’t hear about that. “Last October I said some really shitty things to Byers, about his mom and brother. Like, really shitty. I kept egging him on and he snapped, didn’t take long before he had me on the ground and I really thought I was going to die in some dingy alley.” He huffs a small laugh, like he finds the whole thing funny, “I probably would have if the cops hadn’t dragged him off me.”

“Jesus,” Billy wasn’t expecting that, but still, “doesn’t change what I did. Doesn’t change how your parents felt either.” He wonders if Steve is going to say something stupid, like what Billy did was an _accident_ , because it wasn’t. 

Steve’s quiet but he hasn’t let go of Billy. 

“I know, I know it doesn’t change shit. What happened was fucked up, but guys get in fights all the time and-” he sighs, like he isn’t sure what to say next. “Fights happen all the time and I don’t know, maybe I am a little fucked in the head now, but I forgave you a long time ago, Billy,” Steve presses a kiss to the corner of his mouth, takes him off guard. “I love you.”

Billy feels like garbage, worse than garbage. He thinks if he were a better person he would end things with Steve, thinks Steve needs to be with someone where things didn’t start off with a fight.

but, he’s not a better person. He pulls Steve in and gets a proper kiss. He’s not sure who he’s trying to comfort, Steve or himself.

“yeah- I love you, too” he’s never not going to say it back. “Fuck I’m so sorry, you have no idea.” His throat clicks when he swallows, he managed not to cry at the table but he doesn’t think he’s going to be so successful out here. “I’m so sorry for hurting you. I’m such a piece of shit, I don’t deserve this, don’t deserve you.” 

The words, and his tears, come tumbling out.

Steve, graciously, doesn’t say anything about the crying. Just kisses Billy chastely and whispers, “I don’t care, you’re mine.”  
\-------------

It shouldn't be such a shock for Billy when it happens, but it is. He’s sitting in his first period class writing notes when he hears commotion coming from down the hallway. Someone runs past the classroom, causing his teacher to frown and get up to see what was going on. 

When he hears someone shout _call an ambulance!_ he launches himself out of his seat and into the hall. 

The noise is coming from Steve’s class and it doesn’t take a genius to figure out what happened. 

He feels numb and cold as he watches the paramedics go down the hall with a stretcher. 

He feels detached as they carry Steve by.

There’s blood around his nose and mouth, stark against his pale skin.


	10. Dirty Valentine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I swallow your heart and you make me spit it up again._   
>  _I swallow your heart and it crawls right out of my mouth._   
>  _You swallow my heart and flee, but I want it back now, baby._   
>  _I want it back._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick warning - This chapter has some graphic violence and the use of a few slurs.

Seeing the blood on Steve’s face was a grim reminder of that night so many months ago. Billy knows he’s at fault for this, will be at fault the next time it happens and the time after that. 

His unchecked rage is the gift that keeps on giving.

Billy’s currently sitting in his car outside of the hospital. He's spent the last half hour trying to psych himself up to go inside.

He doesn’t think he can handle seeing Steve’s parents, the guilt is eating him up like acid. He doesn’t think he can handle seeing Mr. Harrington’s solemn face or Mrs. Harrington’s tear-streaked one. 

Knows he would spill out the truth like a busted piñata.

It starts to rain. Fat drops are coming down, pinging on the windshield and the roof of the car.

Billy sighs and turns the key in the ignition. He feels defeated and disgusted with himself as he turns the car around to go home.

Steve’s always been the braver one between the two of them.

\-----

It takes him two days to work up the courage to go see Steve.

By that time, the other boy’s already out of the hospital and back at home. Billy feels like shit, he has no excuse for not seeing him beyond the fact he’s a coward, through and through.

As he’s making his way towards Steve’s room he realizes he has no idea what he going to say. He doesn’t know if he’s going to be welcome at all, doesn’t know if Steve’s forgiving nature is going to come around or if he’s finally sick of Billy’s crap.

When he finally gets to the doorway he sucks in a breath and lets it stutter out before knocking. He opens the door after hearing a faint _‘come in’_.

“Hey,” his voice is rough, his throat feels gritty. He closes the door behind him and makes his way over to Steve’s bed. “How’re you feeling?”

Steve has dark circles around his eyes, exhausted but, still as beautiful as ever. He has a book propped up, probably bored to death of being in bed all day.

“As good as I can be, I guess.” Steve shrugs. He dog-ears his spot in the book, places it on the nightstand, and grabs Billy’s hand so he can tug him onto the bed. 

While Billy situates himself and gets comfortable Steve tells him how he forgot to take his meds that day. Apparently, a missed dose of medication shouldn’t have resulted in a seizure, but Steve was particularly unlucky and he had an episode in the middle of class. He really gave everyone a fright, especially when his nose started bleeding. He had felt a headache coming on and didn’t think of it, wasn’t worried because he had been fine for so long. He didn’t think anything of it until it was too late. Steve says it felt like someone hit the restart button on him.

“I dunno, man. When I woke up at the hospital it was like everything was more intense, everything felt clearer.” Steve explains, he looks over at Billy and smiles “I missed your pretty face while I was in there.”

Billy can’t help but smile back.

“Baby, you’ll always be the prettier one outta the two of us.” He hesitates, feels nervous like he’s going to lose something here. “I’m sorry I didn’t come and see you. I don’t know why I- I..” he pauses, “your parents, I couldn’t-”

“It’s fine, Billy” Steve cuts him off and catches Billy’s disbelieving look. “Well, not _fine_ , fine, but I’m not mad. I get it, my parents can be a little much. Just glad you’re here now.”

He privately thinks Steve is being too forgiving, but he’s not going to question it. At least, not right now.

Instead he brushes a hand over Steve’s face, tucking his hair behind an ear.

“Anything I can do?”

“Just…Just stay here with me for a while,” Steve reaches out and tangles his fingers in Billy’s shirt, like he’s afraid Billy might actually leave.

“Yeah- yeah, of course,” Billy gently grabs Steve’s hand to pull it away from his shirt. He nudges him to roll onto his other side so Billy can curl up behind him.

“Shouldn’t I be the big spoon, y’know, since I’m taller?”

“Oh my God, go to sleep. You can be the big spoon all you want next time,” Billy promises, wrapping an arm around Steve’s waist to pull him in closer.

“Mhm, I’ll hold you to it, big guy.” Steve hums in reply. He places his hand over Billy’s and laces their fingers together, giving a gentle squeeze.

\-----

Billy's honest to God surprised it took them this long to start fighting about something stupid. 

Billy can’t even remember how they got to this point, how the argument even started. His throat feels raw from the yelling, face feels hot from anger. 

He’s always known Steve could be cruel with his words; knows how to spin them to cut you down to the bone.

There’s a whirlwind in his mind. His thoughts racing as he tries to figure out where to go from here. Figure out how to fix it.

Things between him and Steve were going so well and now…

Well, now Steve is sneering at him, he’s taking vicious delight in ripping Billy’s heart out and feeding it to the dogs. 

Billy just wants to know how things got so bad, so quick.

“I can’t believe you bought that bullshit,” Steve has a cold, cold smile. He’s still the most beautiful thing Billy ever saw. “You thought I actually loved you? Fuck, you’re so goddamned stupid. It’s a good thing you’re pretty. Well, that and you suck my dick so nicely.”

Billy feels the floor crumbling underneath him, feels like he’s going to throw up from the anger, the _rage_ , building inside of him.

“Tell me, Billy,” Steve’s voice turns mocking, patronizing, “tell me, how could you ever think anybody would really want you. Huh? Everyone knows you’re just a whore who’s good for a quick lay. Who in their right might would want to be with a piece of shit like you?”

It happens without him thinking. He lunges forward and drives his closed fist into Steve’s face, grabs him by the hair before the boy can fall over and slams him into the closest wall.

“Shut the fuck up, Harrington,” Billy’s never felt this kind of hurt, this kind of betrayal before. He’s _just_ so angry but he didn’t mean to hit Steve. It was like his body moved of its own free will.

Steve laughs, there’s blood dripping out of his nose and into his mouth, “Man, you’re so fucking pathetic. So fuckin’ desperate. You were _gagging_ for my dick.”

Billy backhands Steve, knocking the boys head into the wall with a harsh thud. Steve laughs again.

“C’mon, Billy,” he taunts. “Hit me like you fuckin’ mean it. Or, are you just another limp-wristed fag?”

It’s an out of body experience, as he watches himself raise his fist and smash it into Steve’s jaw. Watches with a detached sense of horror as he raises his fist again and slams it into Steve’s nose, feels the cartilage break and the warm spray of blood. Hits him again and cracks his cheek bone, swings again to make sure it’s broken. Again, and his ring splits the skin from the corner of his eye down to his mouth. Another hit straight to Steve's cruel, pretty mouth, feels his lip bust open and teeth scraping his knuckles.

His baby ain’t looking too pretty right now and his knuckles are aching something wicked.

Steve hasn’t stop laughing though, he whispers, “That all you got?”

and Billy thinks, _‘no, no it’s not’_ , as he wraps his hand around Steve’s throat and squeezes. He keeps the pressure up even as he feels Steve’s fingers scrabbling at his wrists, tearing at the skin, trying to push Billy away so he can breathe. There’s plain, naked fear all over Steve’s face, pure panic when he realizes he can’t shove Billy off. Billy doesn’t let up, feels Steve’s throat get crushed as he squeezes his fingers, feels something crack. He watches as Steve’s beat-to-shit face turns blue. Watches as he eventually stops breathing, stops moving at all.

He finally lets go and the body drops like dead weight to the floor. Only then does Billy feel panic rising. Tears are stinging his eyes when it hits him, when he realizes he just strangled his boyfriend to death. 

He drops to his knees and grabs Steve by the shoulders, gives him a violent shake.

For one brief moment he can’t believe what he’s done, can’t believe he lost control like that.

“No, no, no, baby,” He’s choking on a sob, “please, please wake up. I’m sorry, I didn- I didn’t mean it.” He buries his face in the crook of Steve’s neck and lets out another ragged sob, “I didn’t mean it…”

His whole body is shaking from the force of his crying. His tears are soaking Steve’s skin and the collar of his already blood-stained shirt. Billy knew in the back of his mind this was always how it was going to end. 

“I promise I’ll be better, I won’t be such a disappointment,” he’s so fucking desperate. “I’ll let you hurt me back all you want, just wake up, please! WAKE UP!”

He holds onto the love of his life as he starts pleading fervently to a God he doesn’t quite believe in.

Billy’s crying so hard there’s no air left in his lungs. There are no tears left to cry so he squeezes his eyes shut and prays.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When he opens them again it’s to Steve’s worried face hovering over him.

“Hey, baby.” A soft, warm hand rests on the side of his tear-soaked face, a thumb gently sweeps over his cheek bone. “Bad dream?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone reading, I adore you all!
> 
> Also, I have the next chapter almost done so don't worry, won't leave ya'll hanging for too long.


	11. Love Will Tear us Apart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had this chapter basically finished, but then my brain decided _nope_ and I had to rewrite the whole thing. Twice.
> 
> Thank you everyone for the lovely comments and kudos!

They’re still in Steve’s room. Steve’s still alive. There was no fight.

He’s dazed and almost misses Steve asking him, again, if he had a nightmare.

Billy nods, chokes out _‘monster’_ before he can stop himself.

“You’re safe now, I got you.”

It’s so soft and gentle that he can’t stop the harsh sob tearing out of his throat. He’s torn between pulling away and burying himself in Steve’s sleep-warm body.

The need for space soon wins out.

Between his sleep-slow limbs and Steve’s questing hands, he struggles getting out of the bed. He’s on auto-pilot as he walks, stumbles, across the room and presses his back to the wall, sliding down until he’s seated with a soft _thump_.

He presses his face into his drawn-up knees, has his hands fisted into his hair. He’s never had a dream like that, never experienced something so realistic and horrifying. 

He’s so lost in his thoughts he doesn’t hear Steve’s own struggle getting out of bed. Isn’t listening as he makes his way over to Billy.

He jolts when he feels a warm, steadying hand on the back of his neck.

“Want to talk about it?” 

“No,” Billy croaks, winces and clears his throat. “No, just want to forget about it.”

“You’re gonna be fine,” Steve soothes, “Whatever it was, it’s not real.”

“It could be though,” Billy can’t help the sharp laugh that escapes his throat. “Fuck, it’s never going to be okay.”

“Billy?” Steve looks so confused and so tired, Billy feels a hot rush of guilt for waking him up.

“I’m never going to be okay, this,” Billy gestures between the two of them, “is not _okay_. It’s so fucked up, how come you can’t see that?”

Steve rears back like he got slapped in the face. Billy doesn’t give him a chance to respond.

“Why can’t you see how fucked up this is?” He’s not sure how much sense he’s making, talking in circles, as panic blooms in his gut. He needs Steve to understand what he’s saying. “I’m just going to hurt you again.”

“I’m not sure what happened while you were asleep, but whatever it is we can deal- ”

“No Steve, here’s the thing. There is no ‘dealing with it’. It needs to stop. We’re not fixing something that never should have started.”

He knows this is coming out of left-field for Steve, but it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter because all Billy wants now, has wanted for a while, is for Steve to be safe and happy. 

He can’t keep Steve safe and be with him when he feels like he’s the thing who’s going to ruin him. He can keep him safe by keeping his distance.

Sure, Steve won’t be happy now, but that’ll be temporary. While their whole relationship, since the beginning, has been an emotionally fueled roller-coaster, it hasn’t been that long. 

Billy knows that Steve is going to feel spurned, but he’ll get over it. 

When he gets up to leave he doesn’t look back. 

\-----

It’s been six hours since he’s left Steve.

He’s currently sitting in the Camaro in a liquor store parking lot working his way through a fresh pack of Marlboros. It’s quiet, never bothered turning the stereo on, doesn’t think he’d enjoy listening to anything, anyway.

He thinks he should probably eat something, but he can’t really be bothered.

Knows he needs to go home but can’t be bothered to care.

Can’t be bothered with anything, really.

\-----

He doesn’t go to school for two days. His father doesn’t say anything, probably noticed his son’s less than stellar appearance and thinks he’s legitimately ill, doesn’t want to send him off to infect the rest of the school.

He’s lying in bed feeling listless and annoyed, feels more irritable because it’s his fault he feels this way.

It’s just after lunch time on the second day when he hears a knock at the front door.

He ignores it in favor of staring at the white wall in front of him, contemplating if he should go to school just to grab his books and homework. While Neil didn’t force him to go to class, he wouldn’t accept his grades dropping.

He hears the knocking again and continues to ignore it. Tries to will himself out of bed and into the shower, or at least into a different set of clothes.

Whoever’s outside knocks again and Billy is filled with sudden, irrational anger. 

Angry this person didn’t go away. Angry they had the audacity to knock again. Angry that they’re bothering him.

The anger is the fuel he needs to get out of bed, stomping his way to the front door, fully intending to give the person on the other side a piece of his fucking mind.

When he rips the door open and finds Steve, standing there with a pile of books in his arms, that angry feeling holds for a second before completely deflating. 

It doesn’t take a genius to know Steve is coming by to drop off his homework, judging by the fact that the text and note books he’s holding all belong to Billy.

“Mind if I come in?” 

He opens the door a little wider and steps back in invitation. As Steve walks through the doorway, Billy looks outside to see who drove him over. When he sees Byers sitting in his car raising his hand to either wave at Billy, or flip him off, he slams the door shut. Thinks _’fuck that guy.’_ feeling a little jealous and petty.

“Lemme take those,” He says, gesturing to the books Steve’s still lugging around, which are then wordlessly handed over to him.

After he drops them in his room, he finds Steve looking at the family photos on the wall. They’re mostly of Neil, Susan, and Max.

He figures Steve didn’t come by just to drop off his homework. Probably wants to talk to Billy about what happened the other day and needed and thought he needed an excuse to come over.

“Thanks for bringing my stuff.”

Steve nods absently, still scanning the walls.

“Yeah, can’t have your nerdy ass falling behind.” He responds after a couple beats, still not looking at Billy. “I know how much you care about those grades, Hargrove.” He’s aiming for teasing, but it falls a little flat with the mounting tension in the room.

“You’re right, you know?” Steve finally turns to look at Billy. 

Billy’s confused. Wants to quip back that he’s always right.

“What about?” But, the need to know is stronger.

“About this, about us. Well, some of it…” 

Billy wasn’t expecting that. Not at all. 

Steve’s been bull-heading his way through things, determined everything is _fine_. Like, if he says it enough times it’s true. That’s why Billy is struck speechless.

What the hell is he going to say to that?

_’Yes, of course I was right. Getting involved was a terrible idea and I knew that from the start. Sorry I liked you so much that I didn’t take anything else into consideration.’_

He doesn’t say anything, waits for Steve to continue. 

“It wasn't cool of me acting like everything was okay when it wasn’t.” Steve says, filling in Billy’s silence. “Just because I feel fine, and I thought we worked through our shit, doesn’t mean you feel the same way.” Billy’s gaze snaps back to Steve. “Whatever was happening between us wasn’t going to last, not with the way we were doing it. I knew something was wrong. You always act like you have one foot out the door and you’re waiting for me to push you out the rest of the way. But, I do want to fix things. Whatever it is, I wanna try to figure it out, with you.”

The silence after that is heavy and Billy’s voice is caught in his throat. He thinks that it would be nice, for them to actually address everything that Billy’s hung up on so maybe they have a shot at lasting, but he doesn’t know how to do that. Especially when his fears are so legitimate, when he’s scared that all he’s going to do is hurt Steve.

He’s feeling a little strung out and he misses Steve’s touch. Wants to hold him, just for comforts sake. Something he’s grown to appreciate, since he didn’t get many comforting or warm touches growing up.

“I killed you,” He starts off dramatic, of course he does. “I killed you in my dream because I was so angry. I love you and I killed you because I was mad.” He shakes his head and scrubs his hands over his face. “It felt so real, too, y’know? How do I get over that?”

“What happened?”

There’s no real inflection in Steve’s tone, which is strange, he’s almost as expressive as Billy is.

“W-What?”

“What happened in the dream? What happened that made you so mad?”

Billy laughs, because it’s fucked up. The Steve standing in front of him would never say those words the Steve from his dreams spewed out at him.

He tongues his bottom lip, considers making up something. The truth is going to open a whole new can of worms between them that he really doesn’t want to deal with. Doesn't want to tell him _' You sounded like my old man.'_ Doesn't want to bring his daddy issues into the mix.

“We uh, we got in a fight and you were running your mouth, y’know? and I lost it.”

“So, what, I called you an asshole or some shit and you went off the deep-end?” 

“You call me an asshole all the fuckin’ time, kinda desensitized toward that one.”

Steve moves slow, telegraphing his movements, and Billy feels himself being pulled into a hug. He lets himself be held for a moment, basking in the comfort.

“What did I say, Billy?” Steve’s talking so quietly, almost whispering in his ear. “What did I say in your dream?”

Billy blames how comfortable he feels at that moment for what he says.

“Told me I was stupid for thinking you loved me,” he whispers. That’s what probably hurt the most. That's what was really the catalyst for Billy’s violence. Steve not loving him has been his great under-lying fear all this time.

He feels Steve squeeze him tight before pulling away enough to look Billy in the eye.

“I love you, fuck, _so much_ , but I know that’s not what’s bothering you. I know you’re worried about hurting me again.” Steve’s got stubborn determination written all over his face. “I think you need to talk to someone about this.”

Billy pulls away from Steve completely because _hell no_. 

“Who the _hell_ am I going to talk to about this, huh? 

“We can figure that out. All I know is you can’t keep letting this eat away at you. It doesn’t matter how many times I say I forgive you, you need to forgive yourself, you need to _let it go_.” 

Billy scoffs, shaking his head. “How can I let that go, huh? How can I let it go when we both know I can hurt you again?”

“You could, but you don’t want to, right?” The distraught look on Billy’s face must’ve answered Steve’s question. “I’m not scared of you trying to hurt me again, Billy, and I don’t want you to be scared of yourself either. Please, try talking to someone.”

“Okay,” Billy nods, exhales heavily. “Yeah, okay, if by some miracle we find someone I can talk to about this, I’ll do it.”

His response is enough to get a small smile out of Steve.

“That’s the spirit, mediocre enthusiasm.” It’s a weak joke. More seriously though, “you’ll be okay. We can figure it out together, alright?”

Billy nods, and in a thoughtless gesture presses his lips to Steve’s forehead, then his temple. He gets a little caught up in the moment when he drags his mouth along Steve’s cheek to his lips, presses in slow and hard. 

They stay like that for a heartbeat, and it’s perfect. Billy feels regret for trying to push Steve away when this is all he wants most of the time. 

Wishes it were that easy.

The moment’s broken when Steve pulls himself away. 

“Baby, I don’t think that-” He pauses, closes his eyes and sighs, like he needs to gather strength for whatever he’s going to say next. “Billy, like I said I think you were right about somethings. We need to sort our shit out before we keep doing this,” he gestures between themselves with his index finger. 

Billy wants to say he was wrong and he takes it back. He knows they’re not really breaking up, more like putting things on hold. He feels bereft nonetheless. 

Instead, he nods, not trusting himself to speak. 

Steve seems to understand, or at least, he hopes he does. 

When Billy opens the door for him to leave he sees Byers still waiting in his car.

 _‘Weirdo,’_ he thinks a little maliciously.

After he walks over the threshold Steve turns around and smiles at Billy, it makes his chest ache something fierce.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?”

“Yeah, definitely,” he smiles back, with teeth. It’s a look he’s had years of perfecting.

When he shuts the door the smiles drops from his face and his heart sinks. _Fuck_.


	12. Spring Awakening

After shutting the door, Billy stood there wondering if he had made a mistake. 

Logically, he _knows_ things couldn’t have continued the way they were going but, that doesn’t do much in comforting him. 

He never was a spoiled child. Didn’t get much in the way of affection nor material possessions, always having a low burning jealousy in his belly when he saw other children with caring parents. 

It’s always just been him and Neil. Well, him, Neil, and a string of Neil’s girlfriends. 

He thinks being deprived for so long is what made him so selfish. What makes him greedy and feel entitled to things he has no business wanting.

Despite everything he knows, everything he’s said, he still wants to chase after Steve. Convince him they’re better off together, that things will work out. 

But he won’t, though. He knows it isn’t fair, not to either of them. No matter how badly he wants this to work, he’s going to need to sort his shit out first. 

\-----

With spring finally making an appearance, everything has started to thaw out. The ground constantly feels wet and soggy, mud getting everywhere. It feels like if you stop moving you’re going to start sinking.

Billy’s relieved though. Despite how gross and wet everything is, summer will soon be making an appearance and he won’t have to deal with wearing jackets anymore and worry about freezing his ass off.

Today, though, is nice and sunny. The sky is a beautiful clear blue and it’s a little warmer than usual. 

Which, of course, means nothing when you’re grounded. 

His dad found a half empty bottle of Jack Daniels in the back of his closet. Of course, he never said _why_ he was in Billy’s room in the first place, just told him he was grounded the next two weeks.

Maybe then he’ll learn to be responsible. Billy snorts to himself, all it’ll do is teach him to finish the bottles he opens.

He’s laying in bed listening to music when he hears the distinct sound of a window opening. 

Immediately, he reaches over and dials down the volume on his stereo.

Like hell he’s going to let Max sneak out again while he’s home.

At first, he doesn’t hear anything, and then-

“We went to check and it was gone,” It’s a boy talking but Billy doesn’t recognize the kids voice.

“What do you mean _gone_?” That was Max, sounding incredulous as ever.

“Gone, like- as in _gone_ , it’s not there anymore,” Billy recognizes Lucas Sinclair’s voice immediately. 

What the fuck did these kids lose?

“How did you lose it ?!” Max is trying to keep her voice down but is doing a pretty poor job of it. “Did someone…take it?”

“I don’t think so,” Lucas replies, “Only we knew it was there. Dustin thinks it wasn’t really dead, but Mike says El’ wouldn’t mess up like that.”

What the _fuck_?

Billy really wants to know, what the fuck these kids are talking about.

“It likes the cold,” it’s Unknown Child again. “It was in the fridge and then outside all winter. Maybe they’re like frogs, they can freeze and defrost again.”

“Shit,” Max swears. “Does Steve know? Where is everyone?” Her voice gets higher in pitch, clearly panicking. “Why aren’t we doing something?”

“Dustin and Mike are with Hopper and El’,” Lucas answers her. “We’re going to get Steve and then go back to the chief’s.”

“How are we getting there?” 

Billy feels a surge of annoyance; did she have any _idea_ how much shit he got in the last time she disappeared?

“My brother,” Unknown Child replies. “We’ll bike back to my house and then we’ll grab Steve before going to the cabin.”

There’s a few moments of quiet contemplation.

“My brother’s going to kill me if I sneak out,” Max mutters.

Her concern doesn’t seem to stop her, since the next thing he hears is the window sliding open further and the distinct sound of someone dropping to the ground.

Billy waits a total of five minutes before he runs out to his car, thankful his dad didn’t take his keys. 

As he’s speeding towards Steve’s house, he tries and fails to understand what the hell those kids were talking about.

\-----

It’s in record timing he makes it to the Harrington’s. He parks out of the way, hidden, so unless someone was looking for it, they wouldn’t see Billy’s car.

As he makes his way up the front walk, he figures he’ll tell Steve he’s bored and wants to hang out a bit. That way, when the kids show up, he’ll be here, and he’ll hopefully figure out what they’re talking about.

It’s not a perfect plan, nor even a great one, but at least, it’s a plan.

He knocks and only has to wait a few moments before he hears the door being unlocked and opened.

Steve looks a little shocked to see Billy, but not unhappy about it.

“Hey man, what’s up?”

“Not much,” Billy shrugs. “Gonna let me in?”

Steve fumbles a second before stepping back and opening the door all the way.

“yeah-uh, you hungry? I was about to order a pizza.”

Billy is, in fact, starving.

“Make sure there’s extra sausage on mine,” he throws Steve a ridiculous leer, pleased when the other boy laughs.

They’ve been talking for about twenty minutes, bitching about school and their peers in turns, when the doorbell rings.

“Must be the pizza.” Steve’s brow furrows. “Huh, that was pretty quick.”

When he gets to the door and opens it, Billy knows almost immediately, it’s not the pizza guy.

“Steve, you need to come with us!” It’s Lucas. “We have a situ-”

Billy wishes he had more patience, but he doesn’t. Lucas immediately cuts himself off when he sees Billy. Max and another kid, the Unknown Child he’s assuming, are standing next to Lucas. Max goes white as a sheet when she catches sight of him.

“Aren’t you grounded?” She asks.

“Aren’t you supposed to be home?” He raises an eyebrow. “What’s going on here that’s so important you had to run away again, huh?”

The kids are silent, each looking at one another, trying to communicate without words.

They’re not that good at it.

“Yeah guys, what’s going on?” Steve looks confused, like he’s got no idea why three middle-schoolers showed up on his door step panicking.

“Um-” The third kid speaks. “You remember my dog?”

Steve, god bless him, looks even more confused.

“You know, the one we buried in November, in Mirkwood?”

Steve lets out a soft _‘Oh’_ in recognition and nods.

Billy’s even more confused, because Mirkwood is some Tolkien shit, so what the hell are these kids talking about?

“Well…we think something happened to it.” Lucas replies.

Steve goes white.

“What? What the fuck?” His voice is rising, looking increasingly panicked. “What do you mean, something happened to it?”

“Um, well…it’s gone?”

“What do you mean gone? It’s dead!”

“It’s gone, like, it’s not there anymore! That’s why we need your help.”

Billy really wants to know what the hell is going on. Did they kill the dog and bury it? ‘Cause that’s what it’s sure sounding like.

and _holy shit_ is that what he walked in on Steve and the kids doing in November?

What in the ever-loving fuck?

He’s trying to keep a poker face. It’s hard though, can’t imagine why Steve and a bunch of kids would kill a dog.

That’s way too fucked up, even for Billy. What the hell was the thing about the frogs, then?

Steve on the other hand, went from looking confused to stressed beyond belief.

“So, what’re we going to do?”

“We’re going to go look for it,” Lucas looks determined, but Billy can sense the underlying fear. “We’re going to go to the Chief, and he’s going to help us find it.”

“Great, I’ll come with,” Billy injects. No way in hell he’s getting left out of this.

“NO!” It’s amazing, how everyone managed to reply in sync. 

Billy looks past the kids and finds Byers’ car in the driveway. The boy himself and Wheeler sitting in front. They look like they’re in the middle of a heated discussion, haven’t caught sight of Billy yet.

“Looks to me like there aren’t enough seats for you guys. Considering there’s four of you and three empty seats.” Billy smirks, “and what kind of brother would I be, letting someone carelessly risk the safety of my sister?”

“Billy’s right,” Steve, shockingly enough, agrees. Billy feels smug. “Max should go home with him.”

The smirk falls right off his face, while Max and Lucas both lose their proverbial shit.

“That’s not fair!” Max voice is all anger and righteous indignation.

“We need as much help as we can get, Steve, please,” Lucas looks desperate. 

Billy knows the feeling well.

Steve runs his hand through his hair and blows out a deep breath.

“It’ll be easier to keep us safe if we’re all together.” Lucas is pleading at this point.

“ _Fuck_ , fuck- fine. Fine, you three will ride with Jon. I’ll go with Billy and fill him in.” He sounds resigned.

Lucas and Max share a look, while the third kid blanches. All three look ready to protest.

“I know, I know! But like you said, we need all the help we can get.” Steve seems to address their concern. “Besides, we need a bit more brawn.”

Billy looks away from Steve when he hears the slam of a car door. Apparently, Byers and Wheeler got tired of waiting.

“What’s happening?” Byers looks a little frayed at the edges. His eyes widen when he catches sight of Billy. “Did you tell your brother what’s going on?” He’s looking directly at Max.

She scowls.

“No, he was here already when we showed up.”

“The only thing I know is something fucked up is going on. Something that was supposed to be dead ain’t so dead is what I’m hearing.”

Steve snorts, “Yeah, that about sums it up.”

“So…what’re we doing then?” Wheeler’s looking at Steve.

“Kids are going with you guys, and I’m going to tell Billy what’s happening.”

“Yeah, Steve, I don’t think that’s such a great idea.” Byers' says, and Billy wants to snap at him to mind his own business. “He could get hurt.” 

and, huh, that’s not what he was expecting. But still, dude needs to back off.

“I think I can take care of myself from some undead pet, Byers,” he replies dryly. 

“It’s not the ‘pet’ you have to worry about,’ Wheeler interjects, then looks at Steve. ‘Do you know how to get to the chiefs?”

“Yeah, I think so,” Steve replies, nodding. “Write it down for me though, just in case.”

After Steve gets the directions and the kids take off with the couple, Steve rounds on Billy.

“You’re going to think I’m fucking crazy, but I really need you to trust me, okay?”

Billy nods. 

He wants to make a joke, to cut the tension, but he doesn’t think Steve would appreciate it. Not with how he looks sick and nervous. 

“What do you know about alternate universes?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, again, to everyone reading, leaving kudos, bookmarking, and leaving comments! I really appreciate it!!!


	13. Reformation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Why do you deny yourself heaven?_   
>  _Why do you consider yourself undeserving?_   
>  _Why are you afraid of love?_   
>  _You think it’s not possible for someone like you._   
>  _But you are the love of my life..._

He stands there, for a second, wondering what the fuck he’s gotten himself into.

Before he can ask Steve what the hell he’s talking about, the other boy jolts like he’s just remembered something. He starts taking off toward the garage, throwing a _'hold that thought’_ over his shoulder.

He comes back a minute later and Billy flinches, maybe takes a step back, when he sees _it_. 

_’It’_ being the nail bat.

He wonders if Steve knows Max nearly castrated him with that thing.

Reminded him a little too much of his dad, of himself. Or, at least, what he was turning into. 

“I’m gonna go on a limb here and guess that we’re not actually going after a _dog_ , are we?” 

Steve looks shifty for a second before walking past Billy to the Camaro. 

“Get in the car, I’ll explain on the way to Hopper’s.” Billy raises an eyebrow at the order.

He wants to be difficult and make Steve tell him now. Not for any real reason, except maybe to have some control over the situation.

He tilts his head back and lets out a sigh. Wonders what the fuck is going on with his life. 

He makes his way over to the car wondering if he should’ve taken Steve’s advice and just dragged Max home.

Regardless, he slides into the driver’s seat and starts the car.

It’s not until they’ve been driving along for several minutes for Steve to start talking.

He doesn’t know a lot of the details, or so he claims, but he tells Billy what he knows. Although, he really shouldn’t, since he had signed a million and one government issued documents meant to ensure his silence on the matter.

Turns out, Steve doesn’t care too much about the overhanging threat of the government, especially when they’ve done nothing to help. 

The majority of what Steve knows centers around the ‘dogs’. Or, rather, demodogs and Demogorgons as the kids have named them.

Which, honestly, _what the fuck_?

If it weren’t for the fact that there seemed to be a whole group of them in on this, Billy would feel _pretty confident_ in thinking that Steve was suffering from more than epilepsy.

Delusions…hallucinations…complete mental breakdown?

He’s trying to keep an open mind as he listens but the whole thing sounds insane. He has so many questions, the big one being _‘how is this possible?’_

Billy’s left with a lot more questions than answers. All he knows, if he’s taking Steve’s word for it, is monsters are real and they’ve come through some gate connecting a parallel universe to their own.

Or, well, that’s the leading theory amongst the nerd herd. Billy’s not sure how confident he feels in trusting a group of pre-teens, but he figures their experience dealing with the situation counts for something.

At least until he gathers more information from _actual_ adults. 

Billy also learns that Steve went monster hunting after he got that plate cracked over his head. Granted, he was nabbed by a bunch of kids and dragged into the hijacked Camaro, but nonetheless, he risked his life trying to keep those brats safe.

Billy always knew Steve was brave.

and possibly way too cavalier about his own safety. 

It’s then, that he remembers the conversation they had, that felt like eons ago. When Steve told him that things that night could’ve gone worse.  
and well, yeah, they certainly could have. But that doesn’t make Billy feel better, not at all. Not when all he can think about is how the damage he caused created a greater risk for Steve.

His head and chest feel tight, like they usually do, when he thinks about that night. When he lets his thoughts linger there a little too long. 

He casts a glance at Steve and sees him slumped against the passenger-side door, already exhausted. He kind of, really, wants to hold his hand. Wants to link their fingers, have their hands resting against Steve’s thigh. 

But he doesn’t think he’s allowed to do that anymore.

Instead, he shifts gears and pushes the car to go even faster. 

He contemplates on what he should do once he gets to the cabin. Grabbing Max and dragging her home seems the most appealing, even though she’ll be kicking and screaming the whole way. Actually, he thinks, he might as well drag Steve back with him as well. 

He may not be a good person but he’s honest enough to admit that those are the only two people he really cares about at this moment. 

He wonders who’s going to be at the cabin. He wants to know if the chief is actually going to let these kids run loose in the forest to hunt a monster (he sure fucking hopes not) or is he going to keep them rounded up and safe while he takes care of the threat.

The longer he drives, the more questions he has. 

Luckily, it doesn’t take much longer to get to the cabin. Well…close enough to it. They still have to hike a small distance and apparently watch out for, _Jesus Christ_ , trip wires.

Billy wishes they had a bit more protection than Steve’s bat. He can’t stop throwing paranoid glances around him, just waiting for something to pop up and try and turn one, or both, of them into dinner. Luckily, it’s a short walk and they can make out the cabin through the trees before Billy can work himself up into a real panic.

Once they make it to the steps the front door swings open. 

Billy is not an easily intimidated person. But seeing the chief of police, standing there looking surly, with a rifle in his hands?

Yeah, he may be a little unsettled by that.

The chief levels them with a look and gestures for them to come inside. Or so Billy thought that was what he was doing. As he walks his way up the stairs Hopper stops him once Steve has gone through the door.

“I think you and I need to clear some things up, kid,” the chief says, and Billy has a flash second of terror that courses through him, thinking the chief is about to go corporal on his ass.

It must show on his face because Hopper frowns and assures him he’s not in trouble.

Billy snorts, he doesn’t think he’s ever heard that phrase directed at him before. 

If Hopper is feeling anything other than at ease, it sure doesn’t show. He watches as the man pulls out a pack of smokes and lights up a cigarette, he offers one to Billy who accepts gratefully.

“Thanks,” he mumbles around the cigarette as he lights it. While the chief looks relaxed, Billy is anything but.

They sit on the porch steps for a few moments, smoking quietly, before Hopper starts talking.

“Listen, kid. I don’t know how you got dragged into this, or why, but whatever you see tonight? You’re going to keep it to yourself. Got it?”

There’s no threat, his voice hasn’t changed in tone at all, still calm as can be.

“I uh, I was at Harrington’s and the kids came to get him. I kinda forced my way into coming. If something happens to Max, I’m…” he trails off. He was going to say he would be _‘dead’_ but he doesn’t want to give the chief a reason to start snooping around Billy’s home life.

Again, that could be a totally normal thing to say, but Billy can’t be too sure. 

Especially when it would only get him into deep shit.

If Hopper finds something amiss, he doesn’t mention it. Just nods in understanding.

“Yeah, about Steve Harrington, how did that happen?” Hopper turns to look at Billy when he asks. 

Billy, well fuck, he does not know what to say to that.

_‘I’ve got a huge boner for Harrington and he figured it out and we kinda dated and now we’re kinda not because I’m all fucked up in the head over the fact I’m responsible for him having seizures. Got any advice?’_

That would go over well, he’s sure. 

If he didn’t think it would get back to his old man, he would’ve said it. Just for the sick pleasure of seeing the chief’s reaction.

Instead he shrugs his shoulders, stares at the ground hard. He makes himself busy by digging a small hole with the toe of his boot, he really doesn’t want to answer anymore questions.

Hopper sighs heavily.

“I saw how he looked, after you were through with him. His parents called the station, wanted me to find who did it. I told them if their son wouldn’t fess up or no witnesses came forward, I couldn’t do a thing.” 

Billy’s lungs feel seized, he was kind of expecting this, a confrontation. He naively hoped though, it wouldn’t happen. He wonders if he’s going to get arrested, if Hopper’s going to call the Harrington’s and tell them he has that bastard who hurt their son.

“They were pissed, Y’know? But they understood. If I had no leads, how could I do anything?” Hopper continues. “Funny thing is, those kids told me. Almost right away. They were _terrified_ you were going to kill that boy.”

Billy’s eyes sting, with mortification and embarrassment. Hates whatever game the chief is playing, feeling like a mouse being batted between a cat’s paws. He hates being made to feel this small.

Billy wishes he could do anything to take back that night.

“Funnier still, Harrington told me not to arrest you. Can you believe that?”

Billy shakes his head, because he really can’t.

“Yeah, me neither.” He doesn’t say it in a mean way. He doesn’t follow up with telling Billy he's a fuck up, that he should, in fact, being paying for what he's done.

“I hope you don’t prove me wrong, but I think it’s a good thing he did that.”

Billy’s head snaps up at that.

“What?” 

“Think of this as an opportunity to get right. You don’t want to go to juvie, to jail, for assault or something worse? You need to change your ways, kid. Harrington did you a favour, I think you owe it to him to do better, to be better.”

Billy doesn’t disagree, not at all.

“I…I’ve tried. I mean, I have. I’ve been doing better.” He’s not defending himself, but he feels like he needs the chief to know he’s trying to be a better person. “I dunno how to really fix what I did to Harrington, though.”

Hopper tilts his head, assessing. 

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve made a mess of his life. How do I…how can I fix it?” He wants to say, _‘how can I fix him?’_ but Steve isn’t broken. 

“You can’t. That’s the thing. You can’t fix what you did.” 

Billy nods, he knew that deep down, but it’s still not an easy pill to swallow, hearing someone else confirm it.

“You need to accept that and move on. It’s not fair, to Harrington or yourself, if you focus on trying to change something you have no control over. You think he wants to be constantly reminded of what he has to deal with? Nah, Kid.” Hopped pauses a moment to light up another smoke, passes one to Billy as well.

“It’s better if you accept what you did and do your best to not be that person anymore. Remember kid, people have done, and continue to do shitty things all the time. This is not the worst thing someone has done to someone else in this town. You can’t expect forgiveness, he doesn’t owe you that, but at least you’ll have a cleaner conscience at the end of the day.”

The front door swings open, cutting off Billy’s chance to respond. He turns around to see Steve standing there. 

Billy wonders if he had been listening in on their conversation.

“You guys coming in?” Steve asks, sounding a little winded. “The kids have come up with three different battle plans. None of which involve them staying here, where it’s _safe_.”

He yells that last part into the house, trying, and probably failing, to make a point.

Hopper grumbles and gets up with a deep sigh. Billy follows him, figures he’s now allowed inside.

The chief turns to him and claps him on the shoulder, “Don’t forget what we talked about, kid.” 

“No sir,” Billy responds, watching the Chief’s face twist slightly, like he doesn’t appreciate the title. 

Hopper goes inside leaving Steve and Billy on the porch by themselves.

“So, you guys were out here a while. Usually he’s not a fan of talking…” Steve doesn’t need to ask _‘What was that all about’_.

Billy looks up at Steve, _really_ looks at him. Trying to piece together all the perfections and imperfections that make up his being. 

Billy knows nothing is ever perfect, but he thinks Steve may be perfect for him. He wonders if Steve feels the same way about him. If he looks at Billy and his heart thuds in his chest, heavy and rapid. Do his lungs feel too tight, like it’s hard to breathe sometimes when he’s so overwhelmed with want and desire?

Does Steve look at him and wish Billy were a better person? Or, does he think the way he is now is as good as it’s going to get? 

Steve is still looking at him, waiting for an answer.

“Said I shouldn’t be such an asshole anymore.” _I should try and be better, do better for you. That you’re more than I would ever deserve. You’re not broken, but I did hurt you in a way that can’t be fixed, and I need to accept that. Whether you forgive me or not is your choice, and whatever you choose to do shouldn’t affect me trying to not be such a terrible human being._

Billy has a moment of clarity, right then. It's like a sack of bricks to the face. He realizes that he’s been acting like the victim in all of this. Constantly needing support and reassurance from Steve. _‘Woe is me, I did a real shitty thing and I’m letting the guilt eat me alive’_.

Steve doesn’t deserve that. 

He’s knocked out of his thoughts when he hears Steve chuckle. 

“Yeah, sounds like something he would say.”

“He also told me to keep my mouth shut about this whole thing,” Billy continues, circling his finger, conveying _‘this whole monster thing.’_

“Yeah, that also sounds about right,” Steve says, looking more serious than he did a few seconds ago. “People have died because of this. For either knowing about it or getting involved.”

Billy believes that. Figures, if the government is involved, it’s got to be serious. They’re probably the ones at fault for this, because why would they want to do the clean up work for someone else’s mess?

“Yeah, don’t you worry about me, pretty boy, I know how to keep a secret.”

“I know,” Steve replies. The look he gives Billy is achingly familiar, loaded with meaning, it says _‘I know you.’_

\-----

Darkness is creeping in as the sun sets, casting the sky with a dark purple glow. 

The sounds of nature are covered up by the raised, angry, _panicked_ voices coming from within the cabin. Everyone wants to be heard, trying to talk over one another to get the point across.

Billy’s standing to the side next to Jonathan and Will Byers, the only other two people in the cabin who haven’t entered the fray.

It’s a _very_ full house tonight.

The Chief, Joyce Byers, and Steve all seem to be on the same team, thinking they should stay where it’s safe, and wait for back up. Nancy seems to _sort of_ agree. She thinks the kids should hang back with an adult and everyone else should go after that thing.

Billy senses she has some extreme prejudices against those monsters.

The kids _insist_ there’s no time to wait, and they’ve fought these things before, so they definitely can do it again.

The chief must get real annoyed at some point before he’s yelling at everyone to shut up.

“Listen, I don’t give a _shit_ how many of these things you’ve fought. We are not, I repeat, NOT, going out there. We’re waiting for back up, and that’s final. It may be the only one out there, or there could be more. We don’t know, so we’re not going. We’re not stupid.”

He says the last part pointedly and ends up on the receiving end of a glare from a little girl that Billy’s never seen before. Apparently, she’s the chief’s daughter.

It’s a little suspicious when the kids suddenly stop arguing. Billy’s not an idiot, he knows they’re probably planning something. 

He catches the shifty look on Max’s face and _knows_ the little shits are planning something.

“Lets just go to bed, alright? We’ll figure out our plan in the morning. Either way, nobody is going out tonight.” Joyce says, leaving no room for argument. “I’ll call everyone’s moms and let them know that you boys are sleeping over at my place.” 

The kids grumble but concede. 

Hopper looks over at Billy, “Need me to call your folks? Tell ‘em that Max and El’ are having a sleepover?”

Billy snorts.

“Nah, that wouldn’t fly with my old man. Doesn’t matter though, they’re gone till Sunday.”

It’s Thursday evening and Billy really hopes that whatever is going on here, will be taken care of in two days time. 

He has no idea what time his dad and Susan are coming back on Sunday, and he’s not taking any risks. 

Hopper nods at him. With the matter settled, he and Joyce start figuring out the sleeping situation. 

It takes a while, but they manage find enough places for everyone to settle down for the night. 

Joyce is with the girls in El’s room while the rest of the kids are camped out in Hoppers. The chief himself has taken over the couch, while Steve, Billy and Jonathan are spread out on the floor in front of the tv.

It’s not exactly comfortable but it’s only for one night. 

The quiet has settled throughout the small cabin. Billy stares up at the ceiling, feeling frustrated, feeling like he’s not going to be falling asleep anytime soon.

He’s not scared, per say, of whatever’s out there. Kind of hard to be when he’s never seen it. He is filled with adrenaline, though, his body is primed and ready for a fight. 

He wants to sort out this shit with the monster so he can get back to sorting out his own crap. 

He’s more impatient than ever to talk with Steve. Especially after his chat with Hopper.

Not everything is fixed in his head, not even close, but he feels like he knows where he stands now in his relationship with Steve. Or, has a better idea of how to handle it.

He’s lost in his thoughts and startles when he feels a large, warm hand grab his own. He looks over at Steve, who has a soft smile on his face.

“Don’t worry, Okay? I’ll keep you safe,” he whispers so sincerely, mistaking Billy’s tense posture for fear, and Billy’s heart clenches tightly in his chest.

He thinks he should be the one doing the protecting, but he seems to have done a pretty shitty job of it so far.

He squeezes Steve’s hand and smiles back at him.

“I know you will.”

Eventually, they both fall asleep like that, holding hands. Billy thinks it’s pretty nice.

\-----

He doesn’t know what wakes him up.

It’s still dark and quiet. Well, for the most part. The chief is snoring lightly on the couch and he can hear the wind whistling through the trees. 

Moonlight is shining softly through the windows, giving everything a gentle glow. 

Billy lets out a sigh and closes his eyes again, trying to fall back asleep, but feels too restless.

He rolls to his side, in a last ditch effort to get comfortable, when he notices the empty sleeping bag next to him. He looks to his other side and Jonathan is still fast asleep.

Billy sits up casts a quick look around the small cabin. He notes all the lights are still off, including the one in the bathroom.

His heart rate picks up, while his sleep slow brain connects the dots.

As quietly as he can, he gets out of his sleeping bag and walks over to the front door. It’s still locked up tight like the place is Fort Knox.

Meaning there’s no way anyone could have come in or have left the cabin.

He does a quick walk around the place, opening the bedroom doors to peek in, hoping to catch sight of that familiar face.

No such luck.

His heart is thudding in his chest and his breathing has started to hitch.

Panic and adrenaline are starting to kick in, making his thoughts a little less rational.

Where the fuck is Steve?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh wow, I am very sorry this took so long to get out. I had really bad writers block and it took a little while to get over :(
> 
> As ever, thank you to everyone reading and giving feedback. I am eternally grateful and your comments make me feel all warm and toasty inside.


	14. Hide

He doesn’t know how a room can be so quiet yet loud at the same time. The sounds of nature around them and everyones breathing, snoring, is filling up the cabin. 

But Steve’s not here; his absence creating a hush over the space.

Billy looks around wildly before spotting the light switch. Rushing over, he flips it on and the small cabin is flooded with light, immediately waking up the chief. 

The man is off the couch in a heartbeat, clearly looking around for a threat, for the danger.

When he doesn’t find anything that shouldn’t be in the cabin, he catches sight of Billy.

Billy who’s wide eyed and pale, body language bleeding out fear. 

Byers is a little slower to rouse out of sleep. He sits up, blinking slowly, mumbling _‘what’s going on?’_.

Billy and the Chief both ignore him. 

Hopper glances around the cabin and seems to pick up on what’s gotten Billy so shaken up. 

“Did you hear anything?” He doesn’t bother asking him if he knows where Steve is, knows it’s a waste of breath.

Billy shakes his head minutely. 

“I woke up and it was quiet. Didn’t see anything, it’s still locked up,” he says, nodding his head towards the front door. “Where…where could he have gone?”

He’s trying not to lose his head. He really is. But it feels impossible when he can’t rationally talk himself down. 

Dread keeps bubbling up, made worse by the look on Hoppers face.

“Don’t worry, Kid, we’ll find him,” he’s aiming for reassuring but falls comically short of it. 

The rest of the cabin is waking up, disturbed by the light and voices in the main room.

Everyone is filtering out of the bedrooms in various states of awareness. Billy’s hearing a lot of quiet grumbles, complaints of exhaustion, but most predominantly- they’re all wondering what’s going on.

The first person to pick up on the missing member of their party is Will Byers. 

“Um, Guys?” He’s so quiet, but so is the rest of the room. “Where’s Steve?” 

The reaction is immediate. Everyone’s doing their own silent headcount, looking for the missing boy.

Nancy Wheeler’s voice shakes when she speaks, but there’s no doubt in the strength of her conviction.

“We’re going to find him.” The _‘before it’s too late,’_ goes unspoken.

Billy looks straight at her, and when they lock eyes, he nods.

He doesn’t care if it’s just him and Wheeler that go out to find him, doesn’t care how, all he does know is he isn’t waiting here much longer.

“I can help,” Hopper’s kid pipes up. She’s a slight thing but holds herself tall, strong. 

The chief looks at her, concern written all over his face. 

“I don’t know if that a good idea kid,” he looks regretful saying it. But it doesn’t matter, not when a flash of anger takes over her face.

“I don’t care, let me help.”

Billy’s always admired people with guts, and this kid has them in spades. The Chief is going to have his hands full with her.

Hopper sighs and scrubs a hand along his jaw, contemplating.

“Fine, but only to see if you can find him here, alright?”

 _Here?_

He wants to ask _‘as opposed to where?’_

but then he remembers that _alternate dimensions_ was a part of this, and his stomach has just tied itself into one big knot.

El’ nods and leaves to her bedroom.

When she comes back, Billy sees a blindfold in her hand and thinks, _‘what the fuck?’_

She makes her way over to the TV and turns it on, flipping through channels. It takes him a second to realize she’s not changing channels with the knobs on the TV, but with a turn of her head.

Again, _what?_

When she finally lands on a channel that’s fuzzy static, she places the blindfold over her eyes and holds a pose like she’s meditating.

Legs crossed and her hands on her knees, palms facing upward.

The whole cabin is quiet, feels like everyone’s holding their breaths waiting for something to happen.

The minutes tick on by, but there’s nothing.

The sound of the static coming from the TV is making him increasingly more irritable. 

He’s impatient. He wants answers now. Wants to do something, _now_.

Then he notices the blood dripping from El’s nose, notices her crinkled brow and her mouth a tight, white line.

She looks like she’s in pain but nobody’s interfering, getting her to stop. Billy’s not sure how fucked up that is in comparison to everything else that’s going on.

Suddenly, El’ lets out a quiet gasp before yanking off her blindfold. She’s shaking her head as she says _‘I can’t find him.’_ Billy notices the tears welling in her eyes but doesn’t say anything.

He takes a chance, risking the ire of the chief, and walks over to her and kneels down. He hears a voice of dissent which is quickly quieted by Nancy Wheeler’s, _‘Shut up, Mike!’_. 

He feels the heat of the chief’s stare when he pulls up the sleeve cuff of his shirt and uses it to wipe the blood off of the kids nose and upper lip.

“Thank you, for looking.” His voice feels so brittle, like his whole being is going to crack into two, and he doesn’t understand what she just did. But he doesn’t have to understand to know that whatever happened, it was draining.

El’ gives him a soft smile. “Anything for friends.”

There’s a ball in Billy’s throat, choking him up. He’s emotional, sure, but this is getting out of hand. He hates the way fear is so insidious. Makes him feel everything to intensely, always manages to bring out the worst in him.

He can’t really say anything else, so he gives her tiny hand a soft squeeze before getting up and walking toward the front door. 

“Where are you going?” Hopper asks, too loudly in the dead quiet of the cabin.

“Fresh air,” Billy replies. He holds up his pack of Marlboros and gives them a shake.

“Good idea, I’ll come with you,” Nancy cuts in. 

Billy looks over at her, like, _what_.

Wheeler stares at him with a look that screams, _‘play along’_.

“I didn’t know you two were friends,” Hopper says. It would be an innocent speculation if not for the fact everyone present knew that Billy and Nancy were _definitely_ not friends.

Nancy gives the chief a tight smile and quickly shrugs on her coat. 

Billy busies himself unlocking the door while Wheeler slips her sneakers on.

“Ready?” Billy asks while opening the door.

Nancy nods and exits first with Billy following close, shutting the door behind him.

They both take a seat at the steps of the porch, mindful of the eyes on them.

“How long you think we’ll have to wait them out?” Billy questions lowly, not sure if they can hear him from inside the cabin.

“Hopefully not too long. They’ll eventually get bored of watching you smoke,” Wheeler answers, looking at him meaningfully.

Taking the hint, Billy pops a cigarette out from the pack and lights it with his zippo. He thinks on it for a second before offering the pack to Nancy.

She wrinkles her nose in distaste. 

“No, thank you.”

“Suit yourself,” Billy replies before taking a deep drag.

They sit there quietly for five, ten, fifteen, going on thirty minutes. Billy finishes his third cigarette before turning to look at the front window. 

There’s no little peeping toms peering outside. It seems like the kids got bored of spying, just like Wheeler predicted. 

“So, what’s our plan?” He asks.

She’s looking to her right, staring straight into the forest. 

“We’re going to go find Steve.” She says it like it’s simple. Like there’s nothing for them to fear out there.

Well, maybe not for her. She’s already faced these things before, knows what to expect.

“Yeah?” Billy questions. “With what weapons?”

Wheeler digs her hand into her jacket’s pocket and pulls out a set of keys.

“Let’s see what Chief Hopper is hiding in the shed.” Is her answer.

Ruler-breaker Nancy Wheeler may just be someone Billy could be friends with.

“Lead the way.”

\-----

Billy shines the flashlight on his watch and notes they’ve been walking in the dark for an hour and twenty minutes now. 

It’s going to be creeping on dawn soon and they’ll eventually have to head back to the cabin.

He sighs and readjusts his grip on the axe, wincing as the weight of the handle digs into his shoulder.

While rooting around in the Chief’s shed they found an axe and a couple of flashlights. While it is useful, the axe is heavy and is only good in a close-range scenario. 

Billy hopes he doesn’t need to use it.

He thinks they probably should have come up with a better plan than just walking through the forest until they find something. 

But he’s not sure he could’ve sat around waiting and doing nothing in the cabin like the chief would have wanted. 

He’s pretty sure Wheeler wouldn’t be able to handle it either.

He wonders if they’re going to find Steve like this. Wonder’s how much shit they’ll be in when they get back to the cabin.

 _If_ they get back to the cabin.

Billy wonders if he’s going to come across a demo- _whatthefuckever_ and if he does- he wonders if he’ll manage to kill it.

Filled with uncertainty and fear, mind loaded with questions, and heart beating at an unsteady pace, it’s no wonder he nearly jumps out of his skin when he hears noise coming from behind him.

“What the _fuck_ is that?” he’s trying to whisper, but it comes out a few decibels too high.

He looks over at Wheeler and her doe eyes are wide and alarmed. He notes that her hands aren’t shaking though.

“No idea,” she replies, shining her flashlight in the direction of the noise.

They stand there, like bait, waiting for whatever’s rustling in the trees to show itself. 

Billy laughs, actually laughs, when a coyote slinks out from the underbrush.

“Jesus fucking Christ.” He tilts his head back and closes his eyes, feeling stupid.

The coyote looks young and is obviously more afraid of them than they are of it. 

“We should walk a different way, it looks young and I don’t want to run into the mom,” Wheeler says quietly, giving the sleeve of Billy’s jacket a tug.

It annoys him, the way she touched his arm bordering on too familiar but doesn’t say anything.

They spend another hour walking, seemingly aimlessly, in the woods. Billy is following Wheelers lead, hopes she knows where she’s going.

Eventually, the sky is starting to brighten and dawn is rolling in.

“We need to head back, before a search party gets sent out,” Wheeler says, voice no longer whispering. 

It’s like being in the dark demanded silence.

Billy nods. A little apprehensive of what’s going to happen when they get back to the cabin.

Knows for sure the adults won’t be happy with them.

Not that they can be blamed. It was mighty stupid of Billy and Wheeler to go out on their own, hunting for Steve, especially when they don’t know how the other boy disappeared.

It feels like this whole night was a huge waste of time, they had walked for hours and found nothing. 

So, of course, it’s when they’re walking back that Billy notices it.

Easily missed in the deep dark of the night, but quickly noticed with the sun now filtering in through leaves and branches.

There’s a smear of blood at the base of a tree. Next to it, the bushes seem to have been trampled on, as if something big had barreled its way through.

He doesn’t even stop to consider the different possibilities of what it could mean.

That any animal could have caught dinner and dragged it back to it’s home, to it’s young.

He just books it through the impromptu path, following the increasingly more visible tail of blood appearing on tree trunks and grass. He hears Wheeler running behind him, trying to catch up.

He halts when the trail of blood ends. 

It’s so quiet, it’s surreal. There are not birds chirping, nor wind in the trees. Just his and Wheelers harsh breathing as they look around the area.

It doesn’t take long though, to find what they were looking for. 

Against all odds they find him.

In a den-like space, between a fallen tree and the forest floor, he finds Steve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank y'all for reading and leaving me comments! I will always and forever appreciate any kind of feedback given.


	15. Seek

It has been a long fucking day. He’s tired and he needs to go to sleep _right now_. 

But he knows he can’t.

Not with a monster running around, kicking up the fears he’s barely managed to get a hold of and wrestle down.

He doesn’t want to be standing here, arguing with a bunch of kids that _‘No, you can’t go out there, in the dark, and hunt a demodog down.’_

The idea alone fills him with so much anxiety he nearly chokes on it. Deep down though, he knows, that if these kids run out into the dark, there’s nothing that could stop him from following.

He looks over at Billy. His posture and beautiful face scream exhaustion. Steve knows the other boy doesn’t want to be here but was left with little choice. 

Steve takes in the other boys appearance and thinks maybe they aren’t doing so well without each other.

He knows when he’s sleeping next to Billy the nightmares aren’t so bad. He actually gets real sleep, none of that tossing and turning he usually suffers through when alone.

He wonders if it’s the same for Billy. Wonders if the other boy sleeps better with Steve by his side. If Billy misses the casual intimacy they had, the way they just _clicked_. The thought of not being able to do that now, to really touch Billy in any meaningful way, makes Steve feel a little heartsick. 

But he knows that Billy is struggling with his guilt and needs to figure himself out. 

It doesn’t matter how crazy Steve is about him. Doesn’t matter how many times he tells the other boy he loves him, cares about him, forgives him. 

And he did, forgive him, that is. Definitely not right away, oh hell no. Steve was furious, filled with hate, when he first learned of the true extent of the damage Billy had caused. For a month he was so bitter and angry, filled with grief and useless rage.

But Steve isn’t the type to hold onto anger. He can’t keep grudges for long. He just isn’t built that way.

Having seizures fucking _sucked_. It really did. He can't do some of the things he used to enjoy anymore, has to be so careful now, to avoid triggers. 

But, it still didn't feel like the worst thing he's ever been through. He has pills that help him with this, he was told that things are looking up for him. 

So, when Billy went from being a walking nightmare to being friendly with Steve, treating Steve like he cared about him, actually changing, being kinder? Yeah, he forgave him.

Not that Billy’s a saint these days either. He’s just, a lot better. It also didn’t take long for Steve to catch on to Billy’s feelings for him. Honestly, it took a couple in quasi-friendly interactions before Steve caught on.

The other boy was laughably transparent about the whole thing. Without the posturing and antagonizing, Billy didn’t have much to hide behind. 

Luckily only Steve seemed to notice.

At first, he was confused. Mostly because he didn’t expect it, but then because _why him_?

After he got over the initial confusion, it didn’t take long at all for Steve to develop a crush of his own. 

Maybe a bit more than a crush. He’ll admit he has a flaw of falling too quickly.

It wasn’t hard, falling for Billy. It seemed like the easiest thing in the world, actually. Billy was attractive, incredibly so, and intense. He made Steve feel alive and present, rather than a spectator in his own life.

It's really not hard at all to love someone who makes you feel like that.

Steve didn’t think he had liked boys, never looked at one _'that way’_ until now. He figures it would be warranted for him to freak out, but, honestly, after everything he’s been through?

He just doesn’t care enough to have a big gay panic. Can't panic about something that makes him this alive and happy.

He gets a good look at Billy, who’s watching on as everyone at the table tries to out-argue one another, and knows he would follow him out into the dark too, no hesitation, no questions asked.

Thinks, there’s nothing that he wouldn’t do for him.

\-----

By the time everyone is settled down to go to sleep, Steve is dying to have Billy alone. The close proximity of the other boy, but not being able to touch him?

It feels horrible. 

He has a constant itch to reach out and grab him. Steve has always been the touchy type, and it’s murder not being able to indulge in it now.

It’s nothing compared to what he had with Nancy. With her, it was easy, most of the time. He definitely took a lot for granted, too. 

He can’t kiss or hold Billy in public. They can’t get married. They have to hide. 

And yet, Steve doesn’t care. 

When he’s with Billy it’s like he’s on fire. It’s all consuming, and hot, and _bright_.

There’s a constant pull in his gut, a force, tying him to Billy.

He turns his head and looks at the other boy. 

They're both in sleeping bags within touching distance of each other.

Steve takes in the wrinkle of Billy's brow and the downward tilt of his mouth.

Wants to know what caused it, how can he fix it. 

Wonders if he scared.

Steve regrets with his whole heart that Billy got dragged into this. Wishes he could tuck him away from the evil out there.

He grabs Billy’s hand, he wishes he could kiss him instead, and makes a whispered vow to keep him safe.

The smile he gets in return makes his heart shake and pound. 

He never wants to change this kind of passion, this love, for anything. Never wants to replace it for comfort. He rather feel like he’s constantly on the edge with Billy than be stuck in safety and monotony with anyone else.

It doesn’t take him long to fall asleep, fingers linked securely with Billy’s.

\-----

When Steve is pulled from his sleep the first thing that registers is how _cold_ it is. It’s the damp kind of cold, the kind of cold he felt in the tunnels. 

The second thing is the quiet.

The third, well…

When he finally opens his eyes, the third thing Steve notices is the Demogorgon.

Not a dog, but the full-grown thing.

He doesn’t get a chance to scream before one of it’s claws grabs him.

\-----

One second, he’s in the cabin, next, he’s outside in the woods. 

He’s flat on his back and the monster is less than a foot away from him, screeching.

Steve doesn’t know what’s going on. He’s terrified he’s going to end up dead, just like Barb.

He feels a flash of deep regret for _ever_ trying to sweep her under the rug just so he didn’t complicate his own life.

He scrambles to his feet but doesn’t make it very far before the monster grabs and pulls him, again. 

When Steve opens his eyes he knows he’s further into the woods now. It’s darker and the trees are denser. Not as much moonlight is able to filter down through to the forest floor.

Steve wants to know how come he hasn’t been dragged into the Upside Down yet but doesn’t dwell on it. 

The Demogorgon screeches once more and Steve takes his chance to run.

In his haste to get away, he ends up tripping and falling. He’s on his back again and the monster comes for him. 

The Demogorgon swipes at him as he’s scrambling backwards and he feels a hot, sharp pain in his side and doesn’t bother looking down.

Knows he’ll panic if he sees the blood that’s surely there.

When his hand knocks into a rock, Steve doesn’t even think about it, he grabs it and whips it at the monster’s head.

He hits his mark and the monster disappears. 

Steve doesn’t wait to find out where it went, he just gets up and _runs_.

He lets the adrenaline push him as far as he can go.

He’s not very graceful, nor inconspicuous, knows the monster is going to find him from the trail of blood he’s leaving behind him.

He’s feeling weak and the adrenaline is starting to wear off when he catches sight of a den.

Without concern about it already being inhabited, Steve drags himself inside. It’s a tight fit and he ends up scraping his shoulders and his back against the tree trunk that acts as a roof.

The air is damp and smells like dirt. He knows there’s bugs and plant decay underneath him, its disgusting but he doesn’t care. He’s so tired.

His lungs are tight in his chest and his side is burning something wicked. 

He’s too tired to keep moving and he’s losing too much blood.

He hopes the Demogorgon can’t grab him from under here. 

He curls up in a ball, terrified. He can feel the wet warmth of blood leaking from his side and onto his arm.

He tries not to think about it. Tries to swallow down the fear.

He prays that he doesn’t end up dying alone and scared in the woods.

He wonders if anyone has noticed he’s missing yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I hope y'all enjoyed getting a peep of Steve's POV. Thank you to everyone for reading and the feedback!!!


	16. Forward

Before he thinks about it he’s rushing towards Harrington, nearly slipping on the perpetually soggy leaves that make up the forest floor.

He drops to his knees in front of the den and peers inside. Steve’s slightly curled in, a protective arm covering his stomach. There’s nothing else in there with him, which is a relief.

The entrance to the space isn’t that big, which would be a problem for Billy and his too-wide shoulders, but luckily, it’s not that deep so he’ll be able to reach in and pull the other boy out. 

He didn’t think Steve was that much smaller than him and passively wonders how the other guy got in there.

Doesn’t want to think to hard about why he’s in there in the first place.

Nancy drops down next to Billy and peers inside.

“I don’t see any blood but it’s really dark in there,” she says and bites her lower lip, looking nervous.

There was a trail of blood leading them here and it had to have come from somewhere.

“We can’t just leave him, even if…even if he is hurt, we need to get him out.” It’s not warm out, but Billy can feel himself sweating, nerves and anxiety, and hopes he’s making the right decision.

Then again, what else are they going to do?

As carefully as he can, Billy leans down and in, he hooks his arms under Steve’s shoulders and slowly pulls him out.

Once he’s managed to get Steve out of the den, he re-arranges himself so Steve’s head is his lap.

The first thing he notices, there’s a cut at Steve’s temple. It’s clotted now, but it would explain the amount of blood they saw.

Billy knows how much a head wound can bleed. 

He closes his eyes and hopes that the cut was a result from Steve hitting his head. There isn’t any bruising, just looks like something sharp got him.

He does a quick check over the rest of his body and notices the bloody mess that’s Steve’s shirt. 

He hesitates for a second before peeling back the hem, trying to gauge how bad the wound is.

It’s not _horrible_ , it’s not great, but it’s not as terrible as Billy had been expecting. 

There are four, three-inch long cuts swooping downward, from the middle of his ribs towards his belly. It looks like whatever got him got a decent swipe in. Three of them were deep enough to bleed, but not warrant stitches, since they already looked to be closing. The last one though, make him a bit nervous, it looks to be deeper than the rest, still bleeding, albeit sluggishly. 

He shrugs off his jacket and yanks his shirt off. Pulling out his pocket knife, he quickly and methodically tears it into long enough strips to wrap around Steve’s waist.

It doesn’t take long, while he cuts, Wheeler wrap him up. Billy feels a low burning jealousy, watching her touch Steve, tries to squash it because he knows it’s really not the time to think about that.

Once done, Wheeler takes a step back to assess her work.

“We just need these to hold until we get back. Then we can clean out the cuts and hopefully there’s no infection,” she says, looking over Steve’s prone form.

“Yeah, because that would be the perfect ending to this shit storm,” he snorts inelegantly. 

He looks up at Wheeler, who has her hand covering her mouth. Billy mistakes it for a look of shock but realizes she looks pensive, likes she’s trying to solve a problem.

“I’m trying to think of how we’re going to get him back,” she states, noticing Billy looking at her. “I think if you lift him over your back, like-”

“Like a fireman’s carry?” Billy offers when she pauses, trying to think of the term.

“Yeah, then I think it won’t be so bad?”

And that’s the kicker. Billy forgot about how they’re going to have to get back to the cabin now, with Steve as dead weight and Billy lost track of their whereabouts the moment he first caught sight of blood.

Billy huffs out a laugh, “Yeah, it’s going to be bad no matter what. He’s not exactly light and we have no idea where we are.”

“You have a better idea, then?” 

It’s not said meanly, but it gets the point across.

Wheeler sighs, “I know where we are, as long as you can carry him, I’ll be able to get us back.”

“Yeah, sure,” he replies, hoping that getting back is as easy as Wheeler makes it sound.

The bleeding has mostly stopped but Billy doesn’t want to take any chances, especially since he’s going to be hefting the other guy over his shoulders.

Billy hopes no more bullshit comes their way before they can get back to relative safety.

As he’s pulling Steve into a position that will cause the least amount of strain for when he lifts him up, he feels the other boy move.

Immediately, he stops, “Steve?” His voice comes out embarrassingly low, _breathless_ , “Steve, hey man, wake up,” he says giving his shoulders a little shake.

“What are you doing?” Wheeler hisses at him, obviously not having seen Steve move.

And Billy swears he felt it, he knows he did.

“He just moved, Wheeler, if we can get him to wake up don’t you think that would be best?” He asks as he glares up at her.

She opens her mouth but Billy cuts her off, “That was rhetorical.”

Wheeler rolls her eyes at him before crouching down.

“Hey, Steve,” She say, tapping his cheek, no exactly lightly, but not an outright slap either. “Steve, we need you to wake up, okay? We need to know you’re alright, so you have to wake up for us.”

“Harrington, you better wake up, man” he tries to say it like a threat, but it comes out like a plea, like he’s begging, “You better wake up, or else-”

Or else, _what_?

He feels the way the other boy’s body tenses and shifts, watches as brown doe eyes blink open and then squeeze shut.

Hears the quiet, “Nance?”

And his heart does a funny thing, and Billy thinks _‘oh’_ , at the unexpected hurt. The weird, painful tug of hearing Steve call for Wheeler, rather than him.

“Yeah, I’m here Steve,” She assures him quietly looking down at Steve, her eyes flick upwards towards Billy, “Billy’s here too, you’re going to be okay.”

He thinks it’s nice she said that, really, but Steve doesn’t acknowledge it.

Instead, he lifts a shaky hand and reaches for her, and grabs her wrist.

“I’m so sor-” he coughs and his voice is raspy, Billy wishes they brought water with them. “I’m sorry about Barb, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have tried to make you forget about her, I-”

Wheeler cuts off his babbling, Billy notices her eyes are glazed, like she’s holding off tears. “Thank you, Steve, but don’t worry about that now, alright, we’re going to bring you back, okay?”

Steve nods and finally looks at Billy.

“Hey,” he says it so quietly, reverently, like _‘hey, wow, didn’t expect you to be here, but you are, how nice is that?’_

Billy smiles, at him, can’t help it. “Hey big guy, you feelin’ up to walking a bit?”

Honestly, Billy hopes he does because he knows he’s strong, but not _that_ strong.

He’s doubting his own stamina and strength right now, not sure about himself after a night of not sleeping and the stress his body’s been under. 

Steve nods, “Yeah, think so, just need a minute.”

Billy wants to panic, really wants to let all the nervous energy inside him escape, but he can't, he _won't_ , because they need to get Steve back. Once they're safe, Billy can let himself freak out.

Billy sighs, relieved with how responsive Steve is, “Okay, good, that’s good. If you get too tired, let me know, okay?”

“Okay,” the he agrees, then grins softly, teasing, “You gonna carry me, Hargrove?”

“Me? Nah,” He laughs, “Wheeler will give you a piggy back the rest of the way.”

He looks over at her, catches the slight grin on her face and she shakes her head.

Steve lays there for a few moments, probably mentally preparing himself to start moving, before he starts shifting.

“You okay, you ready to start heading back?”

Steve nods as he starts sitting up, letting out a quiet whine.

Billy frowns, feels awful for Steve, for went he went through.

“Steve, how’s your head?” Wheeler asks, brow furrowed.

Steve pauses and Billy feels his heart stop for a second, worried he’s going to say his head hurts, or he fell earlier or- 

“It’s uh, I’m feeling okay?” He says it like a question, like he’s unsure. “No headache or anything, so…”

He trails off shrugging.

Billy feels a moment of relief. 

“If you start feeling weird,” Billy frowns, “if you start feeling like something’s wrong, you let us know, okay?”

“Sure,” Steve looks at him, head tilted, and Billy wishes he could kiss him, but what else was new?

There’s a few false starts but they eventually start making their way towards the cabin.

Wheeler leading them, apparently, she wasn’t lying when she said she knew the way back, with Steve and Billy close behind her.

Steve was essentially using Billy as a crutch, feeling weak overall but still insisting he was okay to walk. 

Every time Billy offered to carry him the rest of the way, Steve would just blush and tell him he was fine.

It was cute. Steve wasn’t really a blusher, so whenever he got all shy and flushed around Billy, it always felt novel to him.

It hadn’t taken as long as he thought it would to get back, he thinks, when he catches sight of the cabin. But figures it makes sense, since they’re not wandering around like last night, walking slow and looking for clues in the dark.

They’re about 10 feet out from the back of the place when Billy hears the front door slam and heavy footsteps start making their way towards them.

Billy flinches and immediately wants to pull Steve away and hide, doesn’t want to deal with the anger surely coming their way.

The chief rounds the corner and pauses when he finally catches sight of them, giving them all a quick once-over.

“I don’t know if I want to throttle you kids or hug you, goddamn,” Hopper sounds annoyed, but the look on his face is all relief.

Steve laughs, a little breathless.

“Don’t be weird, Hop, if you tried hugging us we’d have to think you’re possessed or something,” Steve jokes.

“Ha Ha laugh it up kid, wait till Joyce gets a hold of you,” he says like, not a threat but a promise. For what though, Billy ain’t too sure.

As if on queue, the door of the cabin slams shut, and Joyce Byers walks around the side of the house. 

She doesn’t pause like Hopper did, just walks up straight towards Wheeler and wraps her into a hug. 

“We were so worried about you, El’ said you guys were okay, but she couldn’t see you,” Joyce says, “We were going to go out looking for you all but we couldn’t leave the kids alone.”

Joyce wears a look of guilt but Billy understands. If her and the Chief left, there would be nothing to stop the kids from running out of the house to do a hunt of their own. 

Jonathan wouldn’t have been a reliable babysitter either, since he would probably take off after Nancy himself. 

He thinks Joyce and Hopper were the only forces that stopped him from trying that last night, when he and Wheeler first took off.

“I’m sorry, we wanted to come find you, but I couldn’t let Hop go alone,” Joyce apologizes.

“It’s fine, we understand,” Billy reassures her, he knows they have something more pressing to deal with right now. “Can we get Steve inside? He has some cuts that need looking after.”

Immediately, Joyce nods, reaches out towards him. “Yes, of course, Steve, sweetie let’s get you inside and cleaned up, okay?”

Steve sighs, “yes, thank you.”

He takes a step forward, a little wobbly.

Billy reaches out, “you okay?”

Steve grabs his hand and gives it a pat, “I think I can make it the rest of the way.”

Steve is pale and tired looking, not frail, but worn out. Billy knows he’s being sappy but he’s still beautiful. He doesn’t think there’s ever going to be a day he doesn’t want Steve Harrington.

Billy watches as he and Joyce go back inside and wants nothing more than to follow. He hasn’t had time to process the events of the last 8 hours. Billy’s not even sure if it’s actually been that long, everything happened so quick it feels surreal. 

He’s not ready to let the other boy out of his line of sight. Wants to hold him close and protect him. 

but he knows he can’t go with Steve, not yet at least.

The Chief has questions and both Billy and Wheeler owe him some answers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone for reading and leaving feedback, you're angels!
> 
> Also, I meant for this fic to only be 5 or so chapters and maybe 10k words...this whole thing is totally out of control now.


	17. These hurricanes inside of my brain

Exhaustion wears down on Billy like a heavy winter coat. He feels sick with it, stomach rolling, head pounding. He’s going to tip over any second now and he wonders if he looks as bad as he feels. 

The chief had grilled both he and Wheeler for details. Said _‘Some not-so-nice people are going to show up, and I rather deal with them than you, so tell me as much as you can, and we’ll see if we can avoid them seeing you at all.’_

Admittedly, Billy can’t really bring himself to care about “Not-so-nice people”, not when he’s dealt with the demon that’s his father for seventeen years. 

Neil Hargrove didn’t use his fists often. Rather, if he was going to lay a hand on Billy it was a humiliation tactic, like a slap to the face, or a way to put him in his place by shoving him around. He didn’t leave bruises. At least, not physical ones. 

No, his dad has long since mastered the art of weaponizing his words. He can string along a sentence and use it to cut Billy down to the core. That was his craft, verbally punishing Billy to get him to _behave._

So yeah, while he does appreciate what the Chief is trying to do, trying to protect him from invasive, cruel individuals, he thinks he’s equipped to handle the situation. 

After all, he doubts the experience could be anymore scarring than having the one person in your life, the one who is supposed to love you unconditionally, treat you like you’re a disease. 

So, Billy’s just _dying_ to tell Hopper he doesn’t give a shit about scary government boogeymen and he just needs a flat surface to lay down on or else he might just die from sleep deprivation. 

Not to be dramatic about it or anything.

They had explained their entire trek, starting from the second they stole the flashlights and axe from Hoppers shed to the moment they got back to the cabin. Tried to recall every step they took, everything they heard, and they had explained everything as graphically as they could, especially the parts on where and how they found Steve. 

Unfortunately, without the other boy to give his side of the story, the picture was only half painted and they were still floundering for answers.

They still have no idea where the Demogorgon went and why it didn’t take Steve into the Upside Down. They don’t even know how the thing even got Steve in the first place.

The lack of knowledge of the situation has Billy on edge, he hates being in the dark and not knowing what’s going on. Even more so when he knows nothing can be done for it. He just wants to put the whole thing on hold so everyone has a chance to recuperate. 

Luckily for him, and Wheeler too, he guesses, Hopper recognizes that he’s gotten everything he could out of them and let’s them both retreat back inside to clean up and rest. 

He and Wheeler trudge into the bathroom and remain standing long enough to wipe the grime off their faces and hands. He looks over at her and sees the dark circles weighing heavy under her eyes and the way her mouth is drawn tight and frowning. 

Catches the slightest shake of her hands as she’s scrubbing dirt and blood off of them.

He thinks, if they were friends this is the part he would ask if she’s okay. This is the part where he would give her a hug. He thinks, if he were a better person he would do it anyway. 

After cleaning up, he spends a precious few minutes speaking with Joyce, asking her about Steve and how he’s doing. She gives him the run down, that she got Steve cleaned up and bandaged- made sure the cuts were all cleaned out and disinfected. Her big concerns are, understandably, the head wound and cuts on his stomach. 

Billy knows he’s being selfish, like extremely so, for wanting to keep Steve here with him. But he knows he needs to go to a hospital and get checked out. 

and as much as Billy wants to go with him, he knows he can’t.

Realistically, the only person that would be able to bring him in without getting questioned is the Chief himself.

When Billy looks over at the man he sees someone who’s incomprehensibly tired, someone who’s seen a lot of _shit._ He sees someone who has dealt with way too much, things that nobody should ever have to experience.

He’s looking at someone who is resolute and strong and good. He wishes, not for the first time, he was like that. Wishes that he had a father like that and maybe he would’ve turned out different. Maybe he could have been a better person. 

He looks away and embarrassment blooms in his chest when the chief catches him staring. 

He looks up again when he hears heavy footfall coming his way. Hopper stops in front of him and is silent for a moment, then places a heavy, yet reassuring, hand on his shoulder. 

His own father has done this a thousand times, but it feels nowhere the same as when Hopper does it. Whenever Neil claps a hand on him, it’s a threat, it’s a _warning._ It’s one of his many ways of trying to keep Billy in line.

Coming from Hopper, though, it’s calming. It’s support and it’s the words _‘I’m here for you’_ said in a gesture. 

It’s got to be the exhaustion because Billy has no other reason for the build-up of tears in his eyes. 

Thankfully, Hopper doesn’t mention it. Just stands there for a moment, being a silent comfort while Billy tries to get his shit together and hold off his impending breakdown just a little while longer. 

“Kid, I know you don’t want to hear this, but I gotta take Harrington to the hospital to get checked out.” The chief breaks the silence reluctantly. “They probably won’t keep him for long. Overnight at the most for observation.” 

Billy nods in understanding, he wants to beg to go but it would be useless. He’s falling asleep where he’s standing. 

“I’ll phone in to the schools and let them know that you and the others won’t be going in today. That way you and the rest of the brats can get some sleep, because I can assure you, nobody got any last night.” The Chief says it in good humour but Billy’s stomach swoops with guilt. 

He also completely forgot about school amongst all the terror and excitement from last night and this morning. He’s extremely grateful that Hopper thought of this and is looking out for him and Max. 

He nods again and mumbles a ‘thanks’ and begins making his way towards the bedroom that Steve is currently resting in.

When he opens the door and catching sight of Steve’s vulnerable form laying on the bed, his heart goes all kinds of wild. 

He so fucking thankful they managed to find him. He cannot comprehend the swell of emotions in his chest, cannot process all the thoughts running through his head, he just lets it wash over him. 

He knows, _he knows_ , that he wouldn’t be able to move on if something were to happen to Steve. There has been so much between them that’s happened so quickly. Their relationship intense and overwhelming and has been at the centre of Billy’s thoughts since he moved to this shitty town. 

Billy makes his way over to him and sits at the edge of the bed, getting as close as he dares to. He’s so, so tired but he doesn’t want to give up this moment of quiet he has where he can just look at Steve. 

He just wants to make sure he’s really okay with his own two eyes because he knows he won’t be able to sleep properly if he doesn’t.

Steve’s laying on his back, face tilted towards Billy and legs akimbo. For all intents and purposes, he looks fine, he looks healthy. If Billy hadn’t known of the wounds lurking under his shirt, or the one straight across his temple, he would say the other boy looked perfectly fine. 

He runs a gentle hand down Steve’s cheek to his shoulder, tracing the sinew of muscle on his arms till he reaches his hands. He stops to pick up Steve’s hand, brings the other boys fingers to his mouth and kisses them one-by-one.

Steve slowly comes to and Billy releases his fingers, holds his hand instead.

“Hey there Sweetheart, how’re you feeling?” He asks, tender feelings growing out of control in his chest as he watches Steve slowly blink awake.

He takes a moment before answering, looks at Billy, says, “better, now that you’re here.”

Billy can’t help but snort at that. He let’s the words in his head slip through his mouth unfiltered, “so cheesy, baby. S’good thing I love you, huh?” 

and the smile that Steve gives him, oh man, that smile is enough to make Billy feel like he’s the only man in the world, like he’s the only person that matters to Steve. It makes him feel wild and frenzied.

When Steve looks at him like that, like Billy is the best thing out there, like he’s the only person worth looking at, it’s like being on a rollercoaster. He feels weightless and like all of his organs are trying to crawl out of his mouth. It’s like playing with death, except his life isn’t on the line, his heart is.

It’s terrifying and exhilarating and makes his heart nearly beat straight out of his chest, like he’s in a fucking cartoon. He’s like an adrenaline junkie and the only way for him to get his next hit is to make Steve Harrington smile like that. 

Steve hums, “Yeah, guess it is.” He yawns then, loud and jaw cracking, making Billy follow, causing Steve to laugh. “Hey, why don’t you get in here with me?” He asks while shuffling to the other side of the bed, pulling some blankets back as he goes. “You look like you’re about to pass out.” 

and he’s not wrong. Billy would love nothing more than to crawl into bed with Steve and just black out. But, Steve needs to get checked out by a doctor and even if he didn’t, he wouldn’t want to run the risk of getting caught in bed with Steve by one of the kids. 

Speaking of, “Where’s your pack of termites?” He asks, stays sitting but moves a little closer, closing the gap of space between them that Steve created. 

Steve shrugs, he tangles their fingers together and rubs the back of Billy’s hand with his thumb, “I think Jon took the boys back to his. Max should be around here somewhere though, maybe in El’s room?”

Billy doesn’t think Max would be dumb enough to leave without him, so he doesn’t bother checking. Instead he decides _‘fuck it’_ and crawls in bed next to Steve, not quite touching but close enough to feel the warmth radiating off his body. 

\-----

When he wakes up he finds himself alone. From the single window in the room, he can see the muted pink sky and the sun going down, flooding the sky in muted pulses of color. When it clicks that he’s been away from home all day, his heart kicks up into his throat, panicking, thinking about his dad waiting for him and-

and then he remembers, that he and Susan are away until Sunday and that gut wrenching fear subsides almost immediately. It’s Friday evening and he has another full day at the very least before he should start worrying about his dad coming around.

He lays there for a moment, just breathing and trying to collect himself. The sheets next to him are almost cold, as if Steve left a while ago and Billy wonders how late it really is and how long was he out for. 

It’s a battle but he manages to push himself upright. He’s feels lethargic and peculiarly hallow. Like his entire being has been scooped out and he’s just a shell. It’s unpleasant and he hates it and it’s not the first time he’s felt like this.

It usually happens after his dad really gets into it with him. Manages to cut him so deep that Billy’s insides spill out. This time, though, there was no Neil, just terror and exhaustion.

Billy jolts when the door opens, he looks over and calms down a bit when he catches sight of Max. Behind her he can see that Byers must’ve brought the boys back.

It’s a sick and nauseating realization when he remembers that the monster, that thing that took Steve, is still out there and that’s why they’re all gathered here.

Max shuffles her feet, drawing Billy away from his thoughts. “Ms. Byers made some dinner,” it’s so quiet, so unsure sounding, so un-like Max that it’s eerie to hear. 

“Yeah I’ll be out in a second,” he pauses to yawn wide. “Just woke up,” he unnecessarily explains. 

She bobs her head in response, hesitates before leaving, like she wanted to say something but thought better of it. 

Billy stays sitting for a few more minutes, figuring he’ll need to get out of bed soon before Max or, even worse, someone else comes along to drag him out. 

When he leaves the room the first thing he notices is that the kids are all gathered together, sitting on the floor surrounding a game board. He doesn’t bother interrupting, not really caring what they’re doing, just watches a few moments before scanning the rest of the room. 

When he catches sight of the stranger sitting on the couch he feels his hackles rising. He has no idea who the fuck this is and he’s not the trusting kind of person. Especially not with all the shit that’s been going on. 

The older man must read Billy like a book. He adopts a neutral, if not friendly, expression, sticks out his hand and introduces himself, “I’m Dr. Owens, it’s a pleasure to meet you. You must be Billy?” 

Billy nods in response, taking the proffered hand and giving it a quick, but firm, shake. He looks over at Joyce and the kids, nobody seems angry or upset, so this guy can’t be too bad. These kids aren’t known for keeping their opinions and thoughts about other people to themselves. Especially if they don’t like them.

“What’re you doing here?” he takes a third glance around the room, “and where’s the Chief?” 

“Well, I’m sure you’ve been filled in on these less than desirable events that have been going on?” Owens asks. 

Billy snorts. He doesn’t think ‘less than desirable’ even begins to cover it. “yeah, I’ve been filled in some.”

“Well, I’ll be helping with the situation.” He says matter of fact. “As for Jim, I believe he’ll be staying at the hospital overnight.” He catches sigh of Billy’s confused face and elaborates, “To keep an eye on your friend.”

Billy frowns and he knew it was a likely situation, but he was really, desperately, hoping the other boy wouldn’t have to stay overnight. He doesn’t like the idea of being separated, especially after what happened.

His thoughts are whirling, and he knows he won’t be able to settle down again. His throat’s tight and his head is packed with cotton, making it hard to think.

“I’m gonna run back home real quick, get a change of clothes and stuff.” He says, looking over at Joyce, who’s been quiet for the most part.

“Oh,” She pauses, like she’s not sure what to say, “are you sure you don’t want to eat first?”

Billy feels kind of bad about that, knows she made food and kept some aside, thinking of him. But he really needs to get out of this place before he suffocates.

Plus, he doesn’t have much of an appetite. 

“I’ll be okay, don’t have much of an appetite right now anyway. Thanks, though.” 

Joyce’s face morphs into something of pity and understanding, “do you want Jonathan to go with you, sweetie?”

Billy knows she’s just trying to keep everyone safe and that’s what keeps him from wrinkling his nose up at the suggestion. “I’ll be alright, just gotta grab a couple things and I’ll be right back.”

Max must’ve been listening in because when he looks over at her to tell her he’s leaving, she’s staring right at him. She opens her mouth, closes it, thinks, then- “be safe, okay?”

Billy knows he’s fucked up a lot, especially with her. Knows he’s taken a lot of anger and frustration out on her that she never deserved. She’s so small and young and Billy knows that the way she acts, especially when she’s angry, is because of him. 

His stomach feels hot and leaden with guilt. He’s been trying to fix things with her and it’s been working, but he’s a bit stuck on the fact she cares about his safety. Doesn’t understand why she would, not when he’s spent the majority of their time knowing one another terrorizing her.

There’s so many things in his short life that he regrets doing, but hurting Max, that’s right up at the top. Right on par with what he did to Steve. 

“Yeah, I will. Thanks, Max.” He thinks if they were normal siblings, normal _step_ -siblings even, he would have hugged her. But they’re not like that. 

Not yet, at least.

\-----

When Billy gets onto the main road, he thinks, this may be the stupidest thing he’s done in a while. 

Well, the stupidest thing he’s done in the last twelve hours at least. 

Instead of making the turn toward Old Cherry, where his house is, he goes in the opposite direction towards the hospital. 

Hopper had made it abundantly clear that they were to stay in the house after dark. Since that’s when the monsters came out. 

Hopper is probably going to reem him out when he shows up, but it’ll be worth it. He doesn’t care how angry Hopper gets with him, he just wants to see Steve. 

Billy figures the Chief won’t send him back out to the cabin tonight. It’ll be too late, way too dark, for that. 

The drive doesn’t take long and before he knows it, he’s shifting gears into ‘Park’. 

He leans back into his seat, closes his eyes, and takes a deep breath, bracing himself for the inevitable. Letting all the air out of his lungs, he feels a little more braced for what’s to come.

As he’s sitting there, getting ready to grab his keys from the ignition, he hears a thump from outside.

Billy’s eyes snap open and he screams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry (once again) that this is so late :(
> 
> Please let me know your thoughts on this chapter, I definitely struggled with this one and I'm hoping that it turned out alright.
> 
> As always, thank you to everyone reading!!!!!


	18. The Men in Black

Billy knows he can overreact. He knows he has a tendency to go a little over board. If he had to guess, he’d put his money on it going hand in hand with the whole being over-emotional thing.

But, he doesn’t think the flash of fear that courses through him is over-the-top, not when there’s three people, three adults, who managed to sneak up on him and are standing right in front of his car.

It also doesn’t help that they’re armed. 

There’s one woman and two men. They’re all white, middle-aged, and stone faced. These must be the _not-so-nice_ government people that Hopper had tried warning him about back in the cabin. 

He hesitates a few moments before stepping out of the Camaro. From the way he sees it, there’s no getting around them. 

“Can I help you?” he asks, trying to feign boredom and annoyance. Like they’re merely an inconvenience.

The woman has an almost-there smile, a shadow of amusement. Like she thinks Billy’s false-bravado is funny.

Probably something she encounters often in her line of work.

“Mr. Hargrove, if you would please follow us,” she requests, hand lifting to indicate the black sedan two parking spots over, “we would like to have a word with you and would be most appreciative of your co-operation.” 

Billy looks her in the eye, the car, then finally, at the hospital. He clicks his tongue, disapproving, “I don’t know, this situation is a bit too creepy for me. I mean, who sneaks up on a guy in the dark, y’know?”

“Our apologies for that, Mr. Hargrove.” Her tone of voice doesn’t change, but Billy can tell the bitch is mocking him. “We didn’t mean to startle you, but it is of utmost importance that you come with us.” 

“Yeah, right,” Billy snorts, “Y’know, my dad always told me not to go any where with strangers. Said there’s some fucked up people out there.”

Any trace of amusement on the woman’s face is gone. It’s like everything in her has turned straight to steel.

“I’m not quite sure what games you’re trying to play here, but you will need to come with us.” Her voice is hard booking no room for argument. 

Billy glances around feeling less confident by the second. He’s alone in the parking lot with these three goons and there’s nothing to stop them from just grabbing him. Nobody knows where he is, so he’s really _fucked_ if they manage to take him.

He swallows, tries to keep up the brave front, “I think that I’ll just be getting back in my car, and leaving. Not sure what fucked up shit you’re into, but I’m not getting involved in it.”

The smile that appears on her face is not the one that’s laced with amusement. No, this smile reminds Billy of his dad. It’s the same way a predator looks at easy prey. It’s all, _‘You don’t even know how fucked you are, do you?’_

“Mr. Hargrove, I assure you, nothing untoward is going to happen to your person,” the _‘If you do what we say’_ isn’t said, but heavily implied. “All we want is to discuss the events of last night. It’s a matter of national security, you see. So, you must understand, the government is willing to go to great lengths to make sure that this is sorted out. _Quietly_.”

He thinks his brain goes a bit static-y at that. He knows he made a stupid choice tonight, but he was expecting a whole different kind of monster. He wasn’t expecting the kind that looks like a human being. 

Usually he only has to fear that when he’s at home. 

Billy knows there’s no way he’s going to get out of this, unless they want him to leave. Even if he was able to get into his car, he couldn’t get anywhere. They’re all armed, and even if they didn’t shoot to kill, they can shoot to incapacitate and do whatever the hell they wanted with Billy. 

“You just wanna talk, huh?” He looks around one last time, desperately hoping to see another person. His heart sinks even further at the realization it’s still just them four. “You just wanna talk, and then what, you gonna let me go?” 

When he laughs it’s a little hysterical, a little crazy. Like, he can’t believe this is his life right now, and it’s his own stupid choices that have led him here. 

“Well, the plan was to bring you back here and have you visit your friend afterwards, a Mr. Steve Harrington?” She replies, eyebrows raised, the not-there smile morphing back to _amused_ when she catches the look on Billy’s face after she mentions Steve.

It makes his blood boil, hearing her say his name. Incites fear in his guts, because he has no idea what these people can do, what they _will_ do. 

“You better not have hurt him!” He spits at her, “I swear, if you fucking touche- ” He moves away from the car but is quickly yanked back into place. He looks between the hand on his shoulder and the man who it belongs to and promptly shrugs it off. 

“Mr. Hargrove, really, there’s no need for that,” she admonishes him, clucking her tongue. “We came to speak with him as well as Chief Hopper. What did you think we were doing here in the first place?” She asks him, an eyebrow raised, like she’s actually curious as to what he’s going to say.

Billy shrugs, he obviously figured they followed him, and the bitch knows that.

She hums, “It was merely fortuitous that we found you here and didn’t have to go looking for you. Saves us quite a lot of time actually.” 

“How did you know it was me?” That’s the only real question he has. How did they know it was him who pulled up in the parking lot. 

She raises a brow, considering him, like she’s weighing on whether she’s going to answer his question on not.

“Very easily, I assure you. Now, are you ready to comply?”

Billy hesitates once more. He hates the feeling of giving in. Maybe it’s his sense of pride or maybe it’s the way he was raised. He can’t help but be stubborn and ornery. 

He can’t bring himself to say anything else, he just nods. He doesn’t want to bring it up, doesn’t want to draw any more attention to Steve, but he really he’s safe. 

\-----

Judging by the clock on the wall Billy’s been stuck in the same room for about five hours now. 

They’ve got him locked up in what looks to be an interrogation room. 

He thinks it’s pretty unnecessary but it’s not even the most annoying part. 

The most annoying part is them walking in and barraging him with questions, intense and aggressive. 

and it’s not about that night at all, not really. They keep asking about a girl, calling her a _‘Russian spy’_. Saying, she’s _‘Incredibly dangerous’_. 

Billy had scoffed at them, told them he didn’t _know_ any Russian spies. 

Because he doesn’t. 

But they’re insistent and he’s getting nervous for when they move past just _asking_.

It’s humid, damp, and it smells like something’s rotting. 

The eerie and unsettling ambiance just adds onto the anxiety welling up inside of him. 

He doesn’t even _know_ where he is.

As soon as he agreed to go with them, he had felt a pinch in his arm. Looking down he noticed a hand drawing away with a needle. 

There’s probably a dozen reasons why they drugged him, but all he can really think about is how familiar that drug felt. 

He groans as he rubs the heels of his hands into his closed eyes, feeling gritty and worn out. 

He’s tired and hungry and _scared_. He knows that these people can see through the front he’s putting up, but he refuses to break down in front of them. No matter how weak he’s feeling right now. 

His head snaps up when he hears the sound of raised voices. This place is eerily quiet, even when they send someone to “talk” with him, he’s doesn’t know they’re coming until they’re unlocking the door. 

The commotion outside has him curious and feeling a different kind of fear, he’s not sure what’s going on and a break from the barely established routine of the last five hours in _not_ good for his nerves.

He startles when something loud bands on the door. A heavy _thud_ reverberating around the room.

He’s grateful they haven’t gone so far as to tie him down to the chair, allowing him to get up and circle round, pressing his back against the wall, farthest corner from the noise.

Whatever the hell is on that side of the door, Billy doesn’t want to fuck with. Not when it got past security.

_“He’s a fucking kid! I swear to God, if you don’t let him out now, I’ll make what happened in November look like a god-damned picnic!_

Billy’s stomach lurches, the voice through the door familiar and furious.

He waits on baited breath as he listens to the door unlock and watches as the group of adults walk in. 

He almost cries with relief when he sees Hopper standing there. Feeling overwhelmed that he’s finally going to get out of this place. 

The fact that the chief looks _livid_ is something he’ll worry about later. 

He swallows around the lump in his throat, searching for something to say, _‘I’m sorry’_ and _‘thank you’_ first come to mind, but Hopper just shakes his head and Billy stays quiet. 

“C’mon kid, let’s get outta here,” the chief says, voice brusque and angry. Turning away, Billy hears the _“Jesus Christ I need a drink”_ muttered under his breath.

\-----

They’re driving away from the large brutalist structure, _Hawkins Lab_ he was told, and Billy has a lot of questions that he _knows_ aren’t going to get answered right now, maybe not ever.

The chief still looks mad and Billy doesn’t really annoy him further. Not when he knows he’s the reason the man is this angry. 

But still,

“I’m sorry,” he says quiet, sombre, waiting for the other man to tear into him.

Hopper sighs, weary and exhausted, “that was a real, _real_ stupid thing you did there, kid,” he says, hold his hand up to interrupt Billy when he opens his mouth to interject, “real stupid.”

“You’re lucky you didn’t wind up dead,” he says, taking a look at Billy. “Those people have done a lot of nasty shit to keep their secrets hidden and they don’t really give a crap about one punk teenager.”

“I know,” he says, swallows, “thanks for getting me out of there.” 

“It’s my job to look after you kids,” he says, looking over at Billy again. “You have people that worry about you, y’know that, right?” 

Billy shrugs and turns to look out the window.

It’s pitch black outside it seems like they’re the only two people in Hawkins right now. The road is empty, save for them, stretching out into the fog. 

Billy’s just starting to doze off when he’s jarred wide awake by an inhumane screech. Hopper slams on the breaks, causing Billy to lurch forward in his seat. 

“Jesus Christ, what the fuck was that?” he looks at Hopper, the man is staring out the windshield, wide-eyed and shocked.

Billy looks out the windows and it takes his eyes a moment to adjust, but when he sees it, his heart drops to his stomach.

“What the _fuck_?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The whole Deus Ex Hopper thing will be explained next chapter. Also, in my head, I figure they cleaned up Hawkins lab enough to use it again in a pinch for whatever reason. Especially because I feel like they (whatever sect of government people that consists of) would want to keep an eye on Hawkins to make sure no more nasty surprises pop up.
> 
>  Also, for the sake of this tale, the government is still looking for Eleven.
> 
> Thank you, as always, for reading and the feedback!!!!


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